It FEELS like Monday morning, though!

Did you have a nice weekend? We didn't do shite. The weather was lousy here, and everyone I know had to work, seems like, so it was just like any other rainy weekend. Honeybun did a ton of work in the yard - as soon as the money fairy visits us, we'll be READY for topsoil and sod. Ready, I tell you.

Last night, we hung rope lights all around the ceiling in the playroom - blue, orange, and purple. They look awesome. The kids were hysterical - I wish I would have set up the camcorder. They kept trying to climb the footstool daddy was standing on and at one point, completely pulled his shorts down - it was SO funny! I also got some cute pictures of them playing with the rope lights on the floor - I'll post some later, hopefully.

It's bright and sunny today - no playgroup, though. Seems as if everyone has sick kids. Hmph. S'okay, though, we have a bunch of Monday-type stuff to do since I missed out on Monday this week. Have to clean the downstairs bath and start the wash and I'm about to run to the market with the kids for the two things I forgot yesterday. We're having shredded beef tacos for dinner (got a roast in the crockpot with a can of Rotel - it smells amazing!!) and I forgot to buy, uh, corn tortillas. D'oh! We're also going to run across town and take dinner to a sick friend, so I need to buy some stuff to make something yummy for her.

I keep forgetting to mention that the bitty girls have discovered the marvelous world of thumb sucking, and it is SO freakin' adorable, it makes my eyeballs want to explode. Of course I have pictures. And the boy's been on Amoxicillin for something like five days now and feels quite a bit better, but still is nowhere near 100%. Hope it kicks in soon!!

That's all for now - have a delightful Tuesday!

So, I was just wanting some opinions from those of you with older children.

Say you have two little girls in your care, both of whom are just a smidge under ten years old, who want to go to the mall.

Is it okay for them to wander around the mall, out of your sight of vision, but with a walkie talkie in hand so you can check in with them every few minutes?

What about walking around the neighborhood on a warm evening (the sun is still up) with your cell phone in case they need to call you right away?

I'm just wondering how others feel about these things. I personally feel like these girls are not old enough to be doing things like this. I'm not at all comfortable with it. I think it would take just SECONDS for someone to yank them into a restroom - or even behind a clothing rack - and fondle them. Or worse, abduct them.

Am I being too overprotective?

Dear Children:

Are you just not feeling well? Poor honeys. I wish you could tell me what's wrong so I could try to make it better. Because y'know what? The constant whining and toy snatching is getting a little old. Last night was a red letter day on the calendar, for sure. It was, hands down, the worst night I've ever spent with you children. It's a good thing you're all so cute.

I'm praying that today is a better day for all of us, because mama's patience is wearing thin, little ones! I foresee a lot of grief in our futures if you don't get back to your sweet little inquisitive selves soon!

And as long as we're discussing it, WHAT is the big deal about getting your noses wiped? Why must you fight me like I'm trying to smother you with a chloroform-soaked rag?? I just want to get the boogies off your face before they dribble into your mouth. Could you please, pretty please, with chocolate covered cherries, calm the fuck down?

And do mommy a favor and take a good nap today, okay?

Love you, you little monsters!

- Mommy

Actually, because I'm missing talking to Cindy and a few other people - I installed AIM on my computer again.

I'm lollygirl727 if you want to message me!

If there's anything more pitiful looking than a baby who's fallen asleep in the Exersaucer, I don't know what it is.

The kids are doing much, much better today. They're still snotty, but not NEARLY as snotty as they've been all week, and it's clear now instead of yellow/green. (TMI?) The boy's had three doses of amoxicillin and seems to be feeling quite a bit better. The bitty girls did well after their shots. One had a fever, the other one did not. They both got Tylenol repeatedly, just because I thought it probably hurt like hell having their plump little thighs poked four times!

Today was Wal-Mart/Sam's Club day. My mom had today off, so she went shopping with me. It's SO MUCH easier and so much harder having another person with me. Does that make sense? It's great having an extra person to push the cart or the stroller, but it's hard too, because I do things a certain way and I have a SYSTEM for EVERYTHING - which kid goes into the car first, where we go in the store first, etc. etc. Grandma always throws everything off, because she spoils them rotten - gives them candy and sips of her soda in the store and stuff like that. I know it's what grandmas do! She also bought us two packs of diapers and toys for the big twins - a Tonka truck for the boy, and a stuffed ducky that laughs hysterically when you squeeze its toe for the girl. Oh, and a couple of puzzles, too. They are INTO puzzles all of a sudden! Once we got home with all the stuff, I know she was all too happy to get in her little car and get the hell out of here! Ha! As much as everyone seems to adore my children (and how could you not? They are freakin' PRECIOUS, man!) they are even happier to leave Casa de Chaos and get back to normal life, where the babies DO NOT outnumber the grownups!!

On another note altogether, have you heard about that new spyware/virus crap that takes your computer hostage? It evidently shuts down everything and you have to PAY a RANSOM to get a code to get your computer back. This scares me to death. I have a bazillion digital pictures on my computer, not backed up. I need to back them up, like, NOW, but they're so disorganized, I want to organize them first. I really need to get on that!! I want to install Windows XP on my computer so all our computers are the same, but I need to back up all those pictures and all my MP3s first. Bah. I need my own little Nick Burns the Computer Guy living in my closet or something.

Okay, I need to get my Sam's Club goodies put away. I hate that they don't give you boxes for your stuff anymore - I always end up with boxes of taquitos and huge things of apple juice rolling all over my van!! Have a spleeeeendid Thursday afternoon.

I just read this and got all kinds of annoyed:

Movie & TV News @ IMDb.com - WENN: "Cruise Slams Shields' Drug Use

Tom Cruise has criticized Hollywood pal Brooke Shields' 'misguided' use of the anti-depressant Paxil, while declaring the actress' career as over. In an interview with Billy Bush on TV show Access Hollywood, to be screened on Thursday, Cruise speaks of his disappointment to learn Shields used Paxil to fight post-natal depression following the birth of her daughter Rowan. Shields is currently weaning herself off her medication so she and husband Chris Henchy can have another child. Cruise, who claims to have helped people fight drug addictions through his controversial Scientology religion, says the Suddenly Susan actress should have used vitamins to help her feelings of despair. Cruise says, 'Here is a woman, and I care about Brooke Shields because I think she is an incredibly talented woman. You look at, where has her career gone?' Despite the Minority Report actor's declaration her career is over, Shields is currently receiving rave reviews playing murderess Roxie Hart in the London theatre production of Chicago. Cruise maintains, 'These drugs are dangerous. I have actually helped people come off. When you talk about postpartum, you can take people today, women, and what you do is you use vitamins. There is a hormonal thing that is going on, scientifically, you can prove that. But when you talk about emotional, chemical imbalances in people, there is no science behind that. You can use vitamins to help a woman through those things.' "

Gee, he's a real PAL calling her career over and judging her for trying to get help to be a better mother. What an asshole.

The boy has his very first ear infection! We came home with amoxicillin for him. The girl is fine except for her runny nose, but the doc peeked in her ears too since we were there - they're fine. The baby girls EACH had four shots. They both weigh 13 pounds and some change - big fat babies!

Now I'm going - how in the holy hell did it get to be 3:52 p.m.??? I haven't done ANYTHING today except take the kids to the doctor! Laundry, dinner, filthy kitchen - it's all still waiting for me!

Wahhhhh!

Off I go to be a domestic slave.

I'm walking out the door to take four babies to the doctor. Whee!!!!!

So, it's a lazy Sunday. Lazy for me, anyway, since I'm parking my butt on the sofa and not doing anything. For now. The laundry beckons, but - eh. I do household crap all week long, and I feel like being a bum right now!

The big twins are in the playroom, running around in circles, tossing Legos around, watching Elmo's World, and playing with this "new" toy the just rediscovered. It has all these buttons and switches that play different sounds and different Elmo/Cookie Monster sayings. It has a doorbell switch that's driving me bananas! It sounds JUST like our actual doorbell. And you know how everyone has that instinct to jump up when the doorbell rings. It's freakin' me out, man!

The little twins are bouncing away in their bouncy seats. Little girl doesn't dig her swing anymore all of a sudden, which is distressing. They're both really liking the Exersaucers though, so it's all good. Let me tell you what they did to me today...generally, if they sleep "through the night" it means one or both will wake up about 6 a.m. Seven at the latest. Today, honeybun nudged me at NINE O'CLOCK, saying, "What's going on with those babies? I haven't heard you get up at all..." Scared the hell out of me! I ran into their room, and they were just snoozing away! It was like a GIFT! But I really think the extra three hours of sleep just made me SLEEPIER, as I can't get it GOING today!

We've had a nice weekend, just doing our typical family stuff. K's at her dad's house, so it's just us. Friday night, my parents and honey's aunt came over to watch the kids for us for the evening, and we WENT OUT!! Not just like...to a movie or to dinner - we went OUT, out! We went to the Hooters swimsuit contest (it was lame) and to Coyote Ugly (it was also lame.) I had SUCH a blast hanging out with everyone I haven't seen in forever, even if the places we ended up at were totally stupid. I had some great grownup conversation that I so badly needed! And I had some yummy drinks, too - Red Bull with green apple vodka. Yummy! I only had a couple, though, because I haven't had anything to drink other than the occasional glass of wine in almost two years. I didn't want to end up getting all drunk and stupid. We had so much fun! And after we got home, we sat up in bed talking for a good hour before we knocked out - it was so nice. I love those sweet talks where you're all cuddly and everything's just so perfect.

We haven't done TOO much this weekend - at least, I haven't. Ha! Honey's been working his ass off in the yard. He's been building a retaining wall for the spot where our eventual shed will go, and working on the sprinkler system in the back yard. We are SO CLOSE to being ready to lay sod! It's awesome! I can't WAIT to have a nice yard for the munchkins to play in! We've been out there playing all the time anyway, in the dirt. But having grass to play in will be SO much better. Not to mention - the DUST coming in my house is just *insane*. It was even worse when the neighborhood was still under construction and NOBODY had backyards and houses were still going up all around us - we had dust on everything, all the time. Now it's only bad when it's really windy. It was hot as hell yesterday - I contemplated putting the baby pool up! It had to have been close to 90 degrees. Kind of sucks, really, because we had NO spring. It was cold, cold, cold, and now it's hot, hot, hot. You know, I got my tubes tied, when? April 28th or 29th? And it snowed like HELL that day! My mom took me to the hospital, but I ended up driving, because she doesn't like driving the freeway during a blizzard! I'm not sure if it snowed in May, but it WAS cold. Hell, a week and a half ago, I was in the backyard with K and the kids during the evening, and we could see our breath! And now, it's hot. Hmph. I missed out on the lovely spring weather! I hope it doesn't STAY this hot. A week or two of pleasant temps would be nice.

And tonight I'm making baked spaghetti, a big salad, and garlic bread. I've made a decision to only have family-style sit-down-at-the-table dinner on Sundays. It's too hard to get everyone fed at the same time on a nightly basis. The kids are just too little still. I think by the time they're three and two, it'll be easier - but for now, I usually feed the kids first and honey and I eat by ourselves later. Not tonight, though! We're all eating at the table like a family. Yay!

Now - if I could just find some motivation to get off my ass and do something today...

Ooooh, and the season finale of Desperate Housewives is TONIGHT!

I took this picture on the patio earlier this week. I can't resist those cute little chicken legs on my ONE skinny child, so I had to snap a picture:

Just a random observation: Dole Mandarin Orange fruit bowls always contain fifteen tiny orange segments. I know this because nearly every day at lunchtime, I split one between the two big twins. Don't the people at Dole realize that all things must be equally dividable when you have more than one child? What is with this odd number crap? I always eat the last one myself. Ha, ha!

So.

It's 2:13 p.m.

We haven't made it out of the house yet. In fact, I'm not even dressed. But! Three out of four children ARE.

I could see the morning slipping away from me, so I decided we'd go after naptime. My children are stellar nappers, so I had no doubt I could both shower AND make my shopping list while they were asleep.

Best laid plans!!

So, I started vacuuming the playroom while the big kids were in their highchairs eating nuggets and fruit. The boy freaked the hell out. Where did this new vacuum cleaner phobia come from??? Actually, I shouldn't have been too surprised - I replaced the batteries in one of his toys that makes a lot of rattly noise the other day - it'd been dead for QUITE awhile - and he freaked out when it started going off, too. I guess he's having some issues with noise lately.

That led to a whole domino effect of problems between the two of them - neither one wanted to go to sleep - there was YELLING - there was crying - there were muffled, sleepy sobs - and here it is an hour and a half later and I KNOW that neither of them has taken a decent nap!

And I don't have my shopping list made, and my hair is all flat. (Got the shower, but that's IT.)

But we are still going to Wal-Mart, come hell or high water. I'm fairly certain they'll sleep a little either on the way there or the way back, and that's better than NOTHING. Besides, getting out of the house will do us good. I have no doubt it'll lengthen their lifespan!!

What was that I was saying earlier about feeling joy and being blessed? Jeez!

I never would have done this otherwise!

01. Total volume of music files on my computer: Probably about 20 gig. We have almost our whole music library ripped to MP3.

02. The last CD I bought was? Hmmm. Possibly some Kidz Bop type of thing for K a couple of years ago. I haven't bought a CD for myself in years!

03. Song playing right now: The Fisher Price aquarium bouncer music, with ocean waves behind it. It's generally dreamy and peaceful, but right now it's spooky and off-key, because, as with everything in this damned house at the moment, the batteries are almost dead!

04. Five songs I listen to a lot or that mean a lot to me:

La la la la, la la la la, Elmo's world...

Come on in, what's that you see? A clue, a clue! You see a clue? We see a clue! Another Blues Clues day, hooray! Do you wanna play...Blues Clues!

Suuuuuunny Day, sweeping the cloouuuuuuds awayyyyy...on my way to where the air is sweeeeeet...can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street?

There's lots of things we like to do...Curious Buddies!! Doodle deedle doo. There's lots of places we like to go...Curious Buddies!! Yodelay-ee-oh.

Toot, toot, chugga, chugga, big red car! We'll travel near and we'll travel faaaaar...



Which 5 people are you passing this baton to, and why.

I am passing this on to: Eh, nobody. Ha! If you want to do it, go for it. No pressure, though!

The week is already halfway over. I can't believe how the days just fly by! Especially because during the darker moments, time seems to stand still!

The kids are being delightful. Their moods and attitudes really are better when we spend time outdoors, even if we're just mucking around in the dirt out back. They were SO cute yesterday at the park, going up and down the stairs to the slide, over and over and over. The boy actually WENT DOWN the slide, which amazed me - it was a tornado slide with three complete twists in it - pretty big slide, and he went down it on his own!

I found out I was pregnant one year ago today. And the baby girls are four months old today! They are really getting CUTE. They're so interested in what's going on around them - they're really starting to get interested in their little kick gyms and Exersaucers. One of them started blowing raspberries yesterday - SOOOO cute, it makes your head hurt! And the other one laughed out loud, a full belly laugh, a couple of nights ago. They're so much fun.

I swear, for as much as they drive me crazy sometimes - and as frustrating as it is never getting a good night's sleep or getting all my stuff done around the house, I sure do feel blessed having all these babies. They bring me such pure joy - I can't even put it into words.

Today we're making our weekly trip to Wal-Mart for formula and diapers. It seems like we've been going through A TON of both lately, for some reason. I also need to stock up on batteries. Naturally, all the kids' toys go dead all at once. They have a little puzzle-type toy that sings nursery rhyme songs, and it sounds like something straight out of a haunted house now! Those nice, sing-songy voices sound downright spooky when the batteries are nearly dead!

I also need to go shoe shopping at some point in time. I have NO summer shoes. I want something cute to wear with capris, but I don't want flip flops. All my summer sandals are stretched out and worn nearly flat from two summertime pregnancies. We're going to the Hooters swimsuit contest on Friday night and I'm probably going to wear my new capris I got for mother's day, so I need appropriate footwear! (By the way, woohoo! Friends and beer and no kids and ME! All in one place!)

Have a deeeeelightful Wednesday.

Ripped from Eden - My 'no shame celebrity crush list':

My Big Guy Crush: Mikey from American Chopper

My Old Guy Crush: Sean Connery

My Comedian Crush: Adam Sandler

My Cooking Show Crush: Rachael Ray

My Childhood TV Star Crush: Jason Bateman

My Newscaster Crush: Stacy Donaldson from Fox 31 News

My TV Doctor Crush: Turk from Scrubs

My What The HELL? Crush: Conan O'Brien

So, who are you crushin' on?

Guess what weeeee did todaaaaay? We went to our first playgroup outing!! And it was SUCH A BLAST! I almost wish we wouldn't have had SUCH a good time, because now I'll always expect it to measure up to today. Ha!

We went to a park pretty far away, but it was AWESOME. It had the best equipment for toddlers - I didn't have to worry that the kids were going to get hurt - and there were so many sweet kids there that the big twins had LOTS AND LOTS of kids to keep them busy and entertained, and I *barely* had to chase them. I chased them each down maybe twice, as compared to the constant running I usually do when we brave going to the park. It was GREAT! The kids had a nice time, I had a nice time, I met a whole bunch of really nice women (damned if I can remember ANY of their names though! Wait. One was Anita. The rest - hmph. I'll have to take notes next time!) and a bunch of ADORABLE children. After the park, we went to Burger King for lunch. I didn't let the kids out of the stroller in the play area, though, because I'm a mean mommy who doesn't want to have to rescue two toddlers from the tubes!

The kids wore themselves OUT and slept all the way home - and they're still sleeping! I managed to get them upstairs into their cribs without them fully waking up, so it looks like it's going to be a good nap day, too.

It's been a SPLENDID day. I'm SO SO SO glad I went. I was apprehensive, because that's how I am when it comes to meeting new people, but everyone was awesome.

Whee!

Honey has discovered the marvel that is Craig's List. He goes through the posts every day, and calls to tell me the latest thing he's discovered. I never knew people put nekkid pictures up there? And I never knew you could post a "Hey, wanna come over and bone down right now?" type of ad, either. Honey put up an ad trying to sell his townhouse. I sure hope someone bites soon. Paying two mortgages is bringing us DOWN, man!! Do you need a place to live in Thornton, CO? Want to move RIGHT in, with no money out of your pocket at all, and not have to pay anything for one to two months? We will pay your down payment and closing costs; all you have to do is qualify for the loan. If you're interested (and I'm totally serious here!) please send me an email and I'll get you all the details. It's a 3 bedroom, 3 bath, 2 story townhouse with new carpet, parking right at the back door, and it's right on a greenbelt. It's got a great pool and playground for kids, too. And you could be in it for about $695 a month. That's less than I paid for a two bedroom APARTMENT UPSTAIRS a couple of years ago! It would be SUCH a great deal for the right people.

Anyway, just throwing that out there!

Honey found a big black widow yesterday in the backyard while he was working on the sprinklers. It was under a tarp he had covering some bricks that will eventually become a walkway. He caught it in a bucket, and the two of us worked together to get it inside a clear glass jar. That must have been hysterical to watch, the two of us freaking out, jumping around and hollering, trying to get the spider to crawl onto a stick and then transferring it to the jar. Freaky looking little fucker.

So anyway. We had another spider we were keeping - I know, we sound like freaks, but honey likes to keep a spider specimen collection in a little container so if one of the kids gets bitten by a spider, we'll know what kinds of spiders we have living around here. We put the two spiders in the jar together to see what would happen - if they'd attack each other or ignore each other or what. The other spider wasn't as large as the black widow, but was still HUGE. The black widow chased the smaller spider around for a minute or so, then gave it a thwack with one of her long spindly legs, knocking it on its back for a minute. Then she deftly moved in and cocooned it, spinning a little web all around it in about five seconds. Then she sucked it dry. It was like watching the Discovery Channel!

And it freaked the hell out of me, man!! I dreamed about that spider all night long, it seemed like! I've been worried about it somehow *escaping the jar* all morning. It's currently out in the garage, and I actually had to call the man at work and ask him EXACTLY where it was, because I was scared to even go out to my van, for fear that I might bump the jar and knock it to the floor, breaking it and releasing THE EVIL SPIDER!

I *HATE* spiders! I especially hate black widows!

Edited...

I killed the black widow. I was OBSESSING over it all morning, and I decided it had to go. I opened up the jar lid just a smidge and sprayed in a tiny bit of oven cleaner. It shriveled right up. I was afraid to tell the man at first, worried that he wanted to keep the "specimen" longer, but I fessed up and told him about my "crime of passion!" I told him I wasn't PLANNING to kill it, but it just happened. He wasn't too upset. Ha! So, no more spider!

(Please, please, please don't tell me there are probably a dozen more black widows around the foundation outside. Please, please, please, PLEASE don't give me that "you're never more than three feet from a spider" thing, either. I'm not listening to you! La-la-la-la-la!)

It seems as if the babies follow a pattern: one night of blissful, all-night-long sleeping, followed by one or two nights of waking up at 3 or 4 and never going back to sleep. I was talking to someone working at Lowe's the other night when we were in there looking for sprinkler parts, and she said she raised four children. She said she wished so many times that they would hurry up and get grown, so she could get some sleep. And now she misses them being little. Sigh.

Hopefully the big twins will give mama a break today and play nicely together so I don't pinch their tiny heads off in a sleepy fit of rage.

This may be the day we break out the tub of Legos.

I wonder how many parents of toddlers are injured each year by tripping over their damned baby gates? Not that I've ever done it, mind you! ::glances around:: Our house seems like such a hazard, with the gates and play yards and all that...and all in the name of safety!

I compressed the ginormous file in Windows Movie Maker and now it's a WMV file - hopefully that will work for ya! And it's pretty pixelated - sorry about the shitty quality.

But here it is! RIGHT CLICK AND SAVE AS, PRETTY PLEASE!

P.S. Did you see my giant ass bending over sweeping the kitchen floor? Thanks for keeping that in there, Channel 7 people!!

Well, the piece didn't make us look COMPLETELY inept, like I feared. I'm hoping the news channel will put it on their website, because the file I made with my digital camera is SIXTEEN MEGS. If you'd like to see the teaser, though, I have it uploaded.

PLEASE DON'T STREAM THE FILE, right click it and download it to your own computer and play it. I don't want to use all my bandwidth for May just on this one silly file! Sorry the quality sucks, but you can get an idea of why I was worried about them making us look bad if you watch it!

Right Click to Save - here is the teaser.

K had a FIT when she saw herself on TV! Does anyone know how to compress an .mpg so it isn't gigantic?

So, tonight is the night that our little news story airs. If you're in the Denver area, it's on channel 7 at 10 p.m. I've been hoping it wasn't going to make us look like total idiots, but I'm worried that they really made it out to be dramatic and downright frightening! Ack! I was sitting here on the sofa at 7:30 this morning with crying baby on my lap, half asleep because I had been up with her since 4...K was fixing herself breakfast...the TV was on very low...and K goes, "That's our family!" I glanced up and saw promo for tonight's news, and myself on TV talking. I couldn't hear what I was saying, but right after, this ominous voice goes, "Can Supernanny fix this?" I'm going to be SO PISSED if this whole thing plays out like we're complete idiots with out-of-control kids!!

I saw it again a little while later and it went sort of like this... "Tonight, at 10:15 - TWO sets of twins..." cut to footage of the big twins rolling on the floor, throwing a fit, crying...quickly cut to footage of me feeding everyone breakfast...daddy sitting on the floor with all the kids climbing on him...the little babies rolling around on the floor under the baby gym...me sitting at the counter with him, saying, "The days go by pretty fast..." footage of one of the kids picking up a foam chair and throwing it at someone...me saying something like, "We just wait around for all of them to fall asleep at night..." The nanny (whom we just met THAT AFTERNOON) picking up one of the kids, then the ominous news guy voice saying, "Can Supernanny fix this?"

I sure hope we did the right thing!! The man was watching with me and laughed - he said, "Two minutes may not be very long, but it'll be just enough to ruin us." Ha!

I'm so antsy to watch it now!

I think I forgot to mention - after my long-winded woe-is-me post last Friday, honey watched the kids and I took off for a couple of hours. I got my hair cut (!) and my eyebrows waxed (!!) and bought cute, girlie sandals that go with nothing I own, just because I felt like getting something that didn't scream out SOCCER MOM. It was delightful. I didn't even mind driving at night, in the rain, which ordinarily would scare the crap out of me. I was so happy to be getting some time to myself, I decided I could just "drive by feel" - hehe! I didn't feel myself running anything over, so I think it was all good!

And what is the deal with that whole "can't see shit at night" thing? I was complaining about it to the man tonight, because I had to run out and get girlchild from dance, and I swear, I couldn't see a thing! I was driving soooo slowly, trying to be cautious. Sucks. He said it's just me getting old. Hmph.

The kids are doing okay. Big girl is still a snot factory. Oh! Remember when I met the mamas at the park and discussed the playgroup thing? One of them called me today to see if I wanted to go! Woot! I decided to bail though, because I didn't want their first impression of me to be That Woman Who Brought Her Sick Children. She said she'd call me next week, though, so - yay! We ended up going out for a little bit today anyway. We went to a park over by honey's work and he met us for an hour. I packed PB&J and goldfish crackers for the kiddies and they had their lunch in the park. It was hot as HELL outside though! We were miserable, and my girlie's face matched her magenta top by the time we left. I think honey had to take a "shower" in the men's room when he got back to work! The kids were SO pissed when it was time to leave. I know I always make them leave too soon, but dude. It's too hard. It really is. We try to play for awhile, but it's too hard to chase them both all over the place, even with another grownup there. They're just not old enough to grasp the concept of staying close to mommy and not leaving the playground. I am SERIOUSLY going to look into getting some KID LEASHES for them. It's just not safe having to chase them everywhere, and have to leave the babies in the stroller while I do so. It stresses me out, man!

Oh, and I had a nice mother's day too! We had my folks over and grilled brats and burgers. My mama made potato salad and fruit salad (yummy, yummy) and I made pasta salad. We drank a bunch of Maywine. Honey's aunt and her boyfriend were over, and they brought me a little present...they were down at the Cinco de Mayo parade and bought me a pair of matching Homies...I tried to find a picture online but couldn't, so I'll have to just snap one myself. It's a woman pushing a twin stroller. They got me two of them. I think I should glue the two strollers together and cut off one of the women! "The kids" got me a pair of cute capris and a couple of shirts. Honey brought me home a bunch of roses. And my mama LOVED the sweatshirt I got her with all the kids' names embroidered on it! It was a lovely day.

Anyway, that's it. Except for this - photo of the day...last year at this time, when shopping was still easy!

Well, the little one stopped her howling, poor little angel. I just tried to imagine what she needed and it seemed like she just needed ME. Just being there to comfort her. I think she was super pissed off that her throat was all mucusy and that she kept sneezing. I finally got her to fall asleep in my arms and I put her down on the floor on honey's soft In-N-Out blanket. She slept for awhile and later on, she actually played on the floor under her kick gym and sucked on her binky, so I think she's doing better. And she's swinging away, half asleep, right now. Whew.

Now, if I could only figure out why the boy has decided to stop napping. Two days in a row now, he lies in his crib and hollers, kicking the wall and moving the crib away from the wall with each kick. Little booger.

I must say, the big twins were SO DAMNED GOOD for me this morning. God must know just how much I can handle, because I had a screaming 3-month-old baby on my lap for at least three hours, and the other kids were delightful. They played together, they didn't fight, they didn't hit each other, they giggled, they watched Elmo, they imitated Mr. Noodle's dance, they were awesome. Hopefully little boy blue didn't wear himself out doing his Nap Protest, and they'll have a decent afternoon, too. I think we'll go out in our dirt yard (hee!) and play for awhile.

Little baby N, my youngest child (by four minutes) is SO sweet. She's so mellow and easygoing, she rarely fusses, she smiles all the time and coos whenever you speak to her. However, today, she has cried almost all day. I have NO idea what the heck is wrong with her. I know she's not feeling well, and I've sucked her nose out with the blue thing a couple of times, which hasn't exactly boosted her mood. For awhile, she was fine as long as I didn't dare put her down. I tried to put her in the swing and the bouncer, and she would have none of it. But now, she's just wailing even in my arms, so I figure, if she's going to cry anyway, she may as well cry in the swing so I can get AWAY from her for five seconds. She woke me up at 5 a.m. and it's just been whine, whine, whine all day. I sure hope she doesn't have an ear infection or something. I am reluctant to call the doctor, because they always err on the side of caution and tell me to bring the kids in, and then I end up spending a hellish hour in the doctor's office with four babies and spending a $30 copay for them to say, "Welp. We can't find anything wrong!" I'm trying to trust my instincts more. Hopefully they won't steer me wrong this time!

I just wanted to take a moment to wish a Happy Mother's Day to all the mommas out there - the ones who have had babies, lost babies, want babies, are trying hard to have babies, are trying hard to NOT have babies, are all done having babies, and the ones who are daydreaming about having babies. (Did that cover everyone?) And I'd also like to send good wishes to all of those who do our mothering when we aren't there to do it - Happy Mother's Day to all the social workers, teachers, daycare providers, babysitters, grandmommies, and good friends who step in to give us a break when we need one. And although I actually really hope she's not here reading my site, I'd like to wish a Happy Mother's Day to K's dad's girlfriend, because she has been really sweet to K, and I feel great knowing that she's got another mama-type person to go to when she's not here. So, Happy Mother's Day to all my girlz in the 'hood - motherhood, that is! :-)

I can't seem to find my ambition.

I am TIRED. Even on the nights I get to sleep all night, it's still only six hours - and I feel like I'm going one step forward, two steps back when it comes to "catching up" on like TWO YEARS of not getting any sleep.

Today, I did what I was planning for yesterday - I met daddy at McDonald's for lunch with the kids. What a clusterfuck that was. I don't know why I keep trying to do stuff like this, it just ends up being SO much work, and I don't feel like anyone really gets anything out of it. The playland was disgusting. The platform where you climb up into the tubes was positively caked with filth, lint, hair, old food, and stunk of urine. We witnessed one toddler wetting his pants, and a path of drips going from the play area mats to his mama's table. (Actually, I think she was his babysitter, as there were like 5 kids with her and none of them looked alike.) One of the other daycare kids was noticably sick, with snot POURING out of her and a nice cough. I tried to get the kids to steer clear of her, but they'll probably end up with a nice cold by Monday. And the playland was not like some of the others we've gone to - it had NOTHING for small kids to do - only tubes to go up into. And honey and I really weren't relishing the idea of hoisting our fat asses up into the tubes to chase down our kids, so we wouldn't let them go up in there. Really, I only let them run around for five to ten minutes before I said, to hell with all this. The kids threw a FIT because they wanted to play, but it wasn't relaxing at all for us, just chasing them around, trying to keep them out of the urine puddle and the filthy tubes.

So we left. I kissed honey goodbye and decided to go over to Kid-to-Kid and see if I could get some cheap little neat toy for the big twins to play with over the weekend. Yet another huge hassle. I put the big twins in the play area, which is a corner of the store with toys, and carpeted half walls all around it to contain small children. MY children, of course, don't play with toys, the just stack them up and climb with them. And, coincidentally, there was another mom of twins in the store at the same time as me. Generally, twin mamas will give me a sympathetic, knowing glance, but this particular woman was one of those judgemental bitches who think her parenting skills are superior to all other mothers out there. She stood behind me as I was watching over my kids for, oh, a minute or two, until I finally said, "Excuse me, am I in your way here?" and she said, "Uhhhhhhh, yeah. Kind of." Well, speak the fuck up, bitch. You can SEE that I'm a little distracted, yes? I apologized and moved so her kids could get in the play area. She was so condescending - at one point, she glanced disapprovingly at the kids climbing everything and said, "Don't worry, it WILL get easier. I sure remember THOSE days! I know exactly what it's like!" I was like, "Oh, you have two sets of twins too?" She looked in my stroller and saw the little girls and her jaw just dropped. "Oh, wow! I can't even imagine!" That's what I thought, hon. I'm sure it's MUCH easier dealing with a pair 5-year-old girls than it is to deal with FOUR babies in diapers, two of whom are completely dependent on you and two of whom are stubborn as hell and WANT to do everything themselves and won't listen to a word you say. And it's frustrating as HELL that a CHILDREN'S CLOTHING AND EQUIPMENT store is set up in such a cluttered manner that you can't push a stroller - ANY stroller - through it. I guess that's why they have the play area, for you to dump your kids into while you shop, but then what am I supposed to do with the itty bitty girls? I ended up leaving and buying nothing. I just couldn't deal. Everyone was pissing me off. I know a large part of it is that I'M SOOOOOO TIRED, MY EYEBALLS ARE BURNING, but still. I was annoyed, so I left.

I got on the freeway and started heading home and just felt...so shaky and groggy. I thought to myself, maybe I just need fresh air. Maybe I'm not BREATHING enough. You know how it is when you're busy as hell and you sort of forget to breathe for awhile until you're practically hyperventilating? So you take a few deep breaths and you can almost feel your whole chest getting cold, like the air is just spreading out across your chest like tree branches? I just kept filling my chest with air until it hurt, and exhaling and inhaling, until I could FEEL something again. And my eyes just started stinging with tears from out of nowhere. I feel like I'm just running my ass off, getting NOWHERE. All day long, I wipe asses and fix bottles and nuke chicken nuggets and play itsy bitsy spider and put Elmo's World in the DVD player and wash thousands and thousands of sleepers and burp cloths and replace binkies in tiny little round mouths and change batteries in toys and I swear, I go up those damned 18 stairs at LEAST twenty or thirty times a day, with all the laundry and the naptimes and the forgotten this or that and the baths. I swear, I feel like a machine. I don't feel like a human being anymore. I feel like a robot, getting out of bed and feeding babies in the middle of the night and just going, going, going all day long every day. I feel like there is NOTHING to me anymore. I look at myself in the mirror and I hate what I see. I look like fucking HELL with my hacked up bangs that haven't seen a hairdresser's scissors yet THIS YEAR and my overgrown eyebrows and my grown out roots and my undereye circles from hell. I'm still wearing maternity shirts because I don't want my cute shirts to get stained from spitup and leaking formula (those fucking lameass leaky Avent bottles!! I hate them!!!) I don't have any bras that fit right anymore - I haven't bought new underwear since before the FIRST twins were born. I haven't bought new jeans or capris or cute little tank tops or new shoes in like, a year and a half. Until we can sell that motherfucking albatross of a townhome, we can't afford anything extra at all - but hell, even if I were freakin' LOADED, when would I go shopping for new clothes?? I don't have time to get A SHOWER every single day, and there are MANY days where it's noon before I realize I haven't brushed my teeth yet. All I do is take care of these children 24/7. That's my entire life, save for the one night a month I go to my twin club meetings.

And I don't know what to do about it. I really don't have a fucking clue. Yesterday, I was SO EXCITED that I met some mommies - that we could potentially hang out and my kids could make friends - today, I feel like - why bother? Why should I be seeking out friendships I won't have time to maintain? Why should I be trying to make playdates that I'll have to leave after half an hour because my kids are just too much for one person to handle? And why can't I handle my own freakin' kids?? Is it ever going to get better? Because it seems like it's just going to get HARDER, dude. As it is, when I go out for the day with my kids anywhere, I come home freakin' EXHAUSTED. Four trips from the house to the car to load the kids up, and four trips from the car to the house to unload them. And however many trips to unload groceries and stuff. After pushing my 80-pound stroller with sixty pounds of kids in it, and pulling a cart of groceries behind me all through the store. What else am I supposed to do? I can't figure it out. For so long, I thought, "The kids and I are going stir crazy in this house. We need to get OUT." Now I think, "Is it REALLY worth the hassle??" I'd open up some wine and drink it straight out of the bottle, except I'm still on the clock until midnight and then I have to get up again probably at 3 or 4 and then for good by 6 or 7.

Anyway. I guess I'm just rambling here, but I do have a point: I'm tired. I'm getting burned out. As much as I adore these little monkeys, I need to get the hell away from them for a little while. I need a break. I need some help. As much as I try to play supermom and do everything, I just can't DO all this shit. I just can't. I keep trying, and I feel like I'm failing miserably. Some days you can walk into my house and the kitchen is clean and the kids are dressed and I smell good, and other days, there are still Froot Loops on the floor from breakfast - the previous day! I've GOT to find somebody out there to help me a little bit.

How, exactly, does one go about finding a very very part-time nanny? Like, less than ten hours a week? An hour or two a day, or maybe two five hour days or something like that. Where do I find someone like this? And how much will it cost? I'm hoping and praying that we can swing it, but at this point, I'll cheerfully sell off my worldly possessions on eBay, as long as I can get a fucking nap and go to Starbucks and clean my bathrooms and go get my hair cut AT A SALON.

Anyway, that's where I'm at. Don't worry that I'm going to go all Mary Alice or anything. You know me, Miss Suzy Fucking Sunshine, and by tomorrow, I'll be my old happy self again, I'm sure.

This shit is BANANAS, B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

I am so excited!

I may pee, even!

I decided to brave taking the kids to the park by myself (my GOD. I ran my ASS OFF chasing them down. I'm thinking about tying them together next time we go.) and I met TWO STAY AT HOME MOMS who live REALLY CLOSE BY who have little girls THE SAME AGE AS MY KIDS and who have A PLAYGROUP THAT GETS TOGETHER EVERY TUESDAY!!!

Do you realize what this MEANS? I could potentially make some FRIENDS! I don't know ANYONE out here! I haven't ventured out of my house hardly at all in the year and a half we've lived here, because I've been pregnant practically the entire time. And now, think of it! I could have people to go to McDonald's with! To the zoo with! The children's museum!

I can't stop smiling!!

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I feel like running around the room with my arms out, airplane style.

Now I'm happier. :-)

I didn't see my honeybun until almost bedtime last night, and he didn't get to see the kids at all. But we're going to meet for lunch at Mickey D's, so the kids can play at the playland. Yay!

Oooh, I'm going to get a parfait. And a big diet coke. McDonald's has THE BEST fountain diet coke out there. And the kids will have plain hamburgers. They'll eat about two bites and throw the rest on the floor. Whee! Food is fun when you're a toddler.

I wonder if I can get the kids engaged in a movie long enough to take a quick shower? It's so hard with The Climbing Girl now, who can scale the play yard fence in about two seconds - I can't leave her alone, really, even for a five minute shower, unless she's REALLY distracted. Makes switching the wash lots of fun. It's like a relay race or something!

::edited::

Hmph. He's too busy and can't meet us. :-(

Now I don't even feel like going out. :-(

Maybe I'll feed the kids here at home, put them down for a nice nappy, and we'll go to the park afterward. That sounds like a better plan.

Yeah, I'm too lazy to actually WATCH the show; I just catch up by reading message boards and blogs and seeing the occasional performance while switching channels during commercial breaks. But I was glad to hear that Creepy Scott got voted off. Now I'm wishing I would have watched it last night! It's funny, I was online last night when I usually would have been hanging out with honey, but he worked late so I was home alooooone - and I saw a bunch of blogs update all at once on my blogroll - and they were all talking about Creepy Scott going home! LOL! Guess everyone hated him.

I just gave the kids V8 in their sippy cups instead of watered down apple juice, just to see their reaction. They took a drink, and both got identical "What the fuck is this shit?" expressions. Then they cried and threw their cups on the floor.

Good times!

Where I plan to end up after all those kids are in bed:

Those crazy baby girls BOTH woke up at 4:30 this morning, hungry. I fed them both, but they fussed and fidgeted and grunted and squeaked and wouldn't go back to sleep. I was afraid they'd wake up their big sister, whom I definitely didn't want to deal with at that hour, so we all moved downstairs to the family room at the butt-ass-crack-o-dawn. I got a few minutes of sleep here and there, between their squeaking and Miss K coming downtairs and banging around in the kitchen, fixing herself breakfast - the phone ringing really early - honey asking me where the Claritin was - and finally, the big twins waking up and letting me know on the baby monitor that they, too, were ready to come downstairs.

I ran around and threw some laundry in the washer and straightened up, then I packed up all the kids to go grocery shopping. I found an $11 formula check in my coupon drawer I'd forgotten about - yay! The kids fell asleep on the way there, so I stopped at Sonic for a big old diet Cherry Limeade and a cheese coney. (WTH is a coney, anyway? Why don't they just call it "chili dog?") You'd think with as much as I run my ass off all day and as rarely as I get to sit down and eat a meal, I'd be skinny as a RAIL, but no. Hmmm, must be the constant diet of Pop-Tarts and Goldfish crackers. Dammit. Anyway! We did all our grocery shopping ($237 later...gasp!! $140 of that was just diapers and formula!) and headed back home. It was pretty sunny and nice today, THANK GOD, after our week and a half of clouds and rain and cold weather. I think the fresh air did us good! We'll see how the girl is feeling when she wakes up from her nappy - little boy is already up, running around crazy - maybe we'll go for a little walk around the block.

I keep thinking, holy shit. I've been up for like twelve hours, just about - and I still have six or seven hours until I can even think about going to bed! Shouldn't I be MORE tired? What is it? Adreneline? Caffeine? Maybe it IS the sunshine and fresh air! Watch, I'll crash and burn in the next hour or two and honey will come home and find them all in saggy wet diapers, running around with dirty faces while I'm face down in the carpet. Ha!

Hope your Tuesday has been splendid. Oh, wait! It's Wednesday! Ack! I've already missed a day! What happened? I think I'm going to make nasty frozen pizza for dinner and watch Medium and Las Vegas that honey taped for me when I went to my meeting the other night. (Hanging head in shame - no, we don't have Tivo! We have the Old School Tivo - a VCR!)

Bye!

The boy.

I've been so "off" lately - I think it's due to the big bedroom switcheroo. Moving the three baby girls together really affected all of us, since the babies wake M up early and she's a grouch because she's not getting enough sleep. Add to that the several-days-long adjustment period she had to go through getting used to her new bedroom, where she barely napped - and the new crib tent we just put on her crib a few days ago to keep her from escaping and running off to hotwire the car - it's all a lot to go through for a toddler. And when she's grouchy, we all suffer - particularly her poor brother, who ends up getting bullied and pushed around by her all day long.

So I've been tired as hell too, just trying to deal with it all. And my normal day-to-day stuff that I do just hasn't been getting done very timely, and it's been annoying the crap out of me. I keep trying to play catch up, and I feel like I'm running in circles, getting NOTHING done. But today, I feel pretty rested (I really think the entire day of resting after my tubal did me a world of good!!) and I've gotten some stuff done. I got all the kids up and bathed the big twins, got them fed, fed the little babies, cleaned the bathrooms, cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, made our bed (haven't done that in, like, five days!) put away a ton of laundry, washed towels, straightened up all the kids' rooms and changed the sheets on the cribs. Now I'm sitting on my ass reading blogs and drinking Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi. (Thanks to Steph, I've been totally craving it for weeks now!)

Yesterday helped things too, I think. The weather here has SUUUUCKED lately - it's been cold and rainy/snowy for days, and although it's sunny out right at this very moment, we have rain in our forecast until Thursday. Bleck. This is not typical Colorado weather! Usually we have periods of rain and snow, followed by more sunshine! ANYWAY. The kids have been cooped up for days, and yesterday, I took them to the mall to let them run the bugs out of their butts. We went to the "big food mall" where they have a play area made of giant plastic food for little small children to scale. Of course, in the 4-seater stroller, we had the attention of the entire mall, pretty much. The kids ran around and had a BLAST. It wasn't too relaxing for me, as I spent the whole time trying to keep one eye on each child and still keep an eye on the two sleeping babies in the stroller.

And one beeeeeyatch dressed in a velour tracksuit ala J Lo, which was a wee bit too snug for her - and flip flops, which showcased her trashy looking toes, actually TALKED SHIT about my children. Gahh! I didn't hear what she said, but she was gesturing toward my kids and my stroller, and had that snarky expression on her face. I stood there and glared at her for a good thirty seconds, hoping she'd say something else to her little friend. She didn't say anything else. Man, I was ready to BRING IT. I can't believe how instantly fuuuuurious I was. How DARE she not think my children are absolutely adorable? Isn't it funny how even a PERCEIVED threat to your children turns you into a raging mama bear?? I was giggling about it on the way home, thinking about how low rent it would have been for me to get all up in her face at the mall play area.

We got back home and the big twins took a nice long nap, which they really needed. They were really good for daddy last night too, as I took off for a few hours and went to my monthly twin club meeting. I just love getting out of the house! I feel so lucky that my honey will stay home with the kids like that for me, even if it's only once a month. I know I could push him to watch them more, but I know he has a million things to do too, and I hate disrupting his schedule. It'd be different if he was sitting on the couch drinking beer or something; then I'd totally push the kids off on him and go to Starbucks or something! But when he's at home, he is BUSY - always organizing, building, cleaning, whatever. He does a ton of stuff around the house. Seriously - I'm a lucky woman, and I know it!! Just a couple of days ago, he made me a Bottle Holder out of a microphone stand. LOL!! It actually works fairly well - needs a bit of refining, but will work in a pinch. I find it easier to feed both babies at once just by having both in my lap, with one in the crook of my arm and the other resting her head on my thigh while her body is on the sofa. Whatever works, right?

So anyway, I guess my point was - things are going better on the domestic front. I still need to sweep and mop, and do a bunch more laundry, and maybe vacuum, and I'll be really, really happy. Maybe we'll even get to the supermarket today. Maybe.

Have a splendid day!

I'm so annoyed with my nifty new photo printer. I got it for my birthday (which was a month and a half ago!) and STILL have yet to print out a single picture!! I HATE it when people design things to be TOO idiot proof; to do too much of your thinking for you, do you know what I mean? If you stick your memory stick into the printer, it's EASY to print a picture. If you scan a photograph on the scanner bed, it's also super EASY to print a picture. However, if you already have the file saved on your computer, it requires a freakin' Act Of God to get it to print the picture properly. Why? Why assume that everyone on the planet just prints straight from their camera?

It's like when you try to type something in Word and that annoying Clippy atrocity pops up and says, "It looks like you're typing a letter. I'll just assume that you are, even if you aren't, and I'll just go ahead and format this document for you, and it'll be a total pain in your ass to undo the formatting. Mmmkay? How's that?" Gahh! Just let me do what I'm trying to do, and quit trying to get into my head!

Yesterday was a big day for Miss K. First of all, I highlighted her hair, which she's been begging me to do FOREVER. The last time I did it, the blonde didn't really "take" and you had to look REEEEALLY hard to see her "highlights." This time, however, I left the dye on longer and you can TOTALLY see her blonde-ness. (I first typed blonde-MESS, which is actually a pretty accurate description!!) Her streaks only go about halfway down her head before they peter out, though, so it almost looks like she has blonde roots growing in. Ha! She's digging it, though, so all is well. Maybe I can buy another highlight kit this week and try to fix it a little.

So, while she was sitting in the kitchen chair, stinking up the place with her hair dye, she informed me that she had a wiggly loose tooth. Another one of her molars, with a filling in it! She lost another filling-tooth (she had two) about two months ago. This one took no time at all getting out of her mouth. After I rinsed her hair, she pulled the tooth out of her jaw and handed it to me. Heeb!! Then, as I was trimming her bangs, she got sick to her stomach from all the blood in her mouth and puked in my bathroom. Whee!

You know, she went about 2 1/2 years without losing any teeth, and then she lost that other filling-tooth at her dad's house. The tooth fairy brought her TWENTY DOLLARS for that tooth. Twenty bucks!! I told her the tooth fairy was on crack that day, and probably MEANT to give her TWO dollars. So, she put her tooth in her little trinket box last night and the tooth fairy took it and left her five gold dollar coins. I thought that sounded way more appropriate!

She was giddy this morning as I was putting little clippies in her hair ("like on Lizzie McGuire, Mom!") about going to school today and showing off her highlights and her gaping hole. It's fun to be nine, sometimes!

Yay! In 2 1/2 months, I have to go get checked out and make sure my tubes are all blocked up, and then this baby factory is CLOSED. Honey mentioned that he thought he heard funeral bells off in the distance mourning for the death of the most efficient baby-maker EVER. Hehe!

It went well, except I really was affected by the anesthesia. They weren't supposed to put me to sleep, but I was out like a light moments after they got my IV in, and I don't remember a thing until I was in recovery. The doc said it all went perfectly. I was supposed to be in recovery for 45 minutes, but it was over two hours until I was awake enough to go home! I slept almost ALL DAY on Friday, and then went to bed at 9 p.m. and slept until my little noisemaker girl woke me up hungry at 5 a.m.

No pain. None. It's amazing when you can get a tubal ligation and have no pain or discomfort whatsoever. Like I said, it's not instant, but by summertime I should be good to go.

Woohoo!