I just installed Haloscan for comments, so if you left a comment previously via blogger, that's why it's not here. :-)

Today, my dad and I went to the nursery and bought five shrubs, and half a dozen or so flowering perennials. He and the man planted them all in the back yard, and then they leveled and staked down our arbor and put down bark. Man, it looks beautiful!! The yard is so close to being done! If only I could get him to go get the lattice we need to close up the split rail fence and cover the window wells, the kids could play outside. Soon. Soon.

I stupidly forgot to put on sunscreen and my neck and shoulders and chest and the part in my hair are all burned to a crisp. I guess it didn't occur to me when we headed out the door that we'd be OUTSIDE at noon for a good hour or two. And since I'm fair and never spend time outdoors, I burn immediately. Hmph. Now I'm going to have to get some self tanner to even out my shoulders so I don't have a farmer's tan at the wedding!

You know, someone left me a comment that pissed me RIGHT the hell off. In fact, I turned off anonymous commenting because I was so pissed, but I'm sure I'll eventually turn it back on. This was their comment:

YOU Said, "He doesn't do well with crowds and noise. Plus, he doesn't give a shit about any of the rides or games, he's much happier just playing with the tokens. Whatever!"

Have you thought about Autism as these behaviors are classic symptoms of Autism???

Blood boiling. Here was my response:

Hey Anonymous, here's a thought.

Have you ever thought about leaving your name and identity when giving unsolicited advice? No? Then shut the fuck up and mind your own business.

YES, I am very conscientious when it comes to the well-being of my children. Keep in mind I only share about 1% of my life with the people reading my blog.

God. Fucking asshole people trying to diagnose a child they've never seen or met, and in the rudest way possible.

Just so no one is asking themselves, my God, what the fuck crawled up Laura's ass today? I'll elaborate.

First, I have a huge problem with people who don't understand TONE. As in, they think it's okay for anything at all to tumble out of their mouth, or across their keyboard, and they don't care at all how they come across. And when someone leaves me a comment like that all full of "YOU said THIS!" with multiple exclamation points, that pisses me off. There's no reason for that bullshit, when you can word it SO differently. My God, Anonymous Assclown, you're talking about a pretty damned delicate topic that involves my BOY. A little sensitivity wouldn't kill you.

Second, I have a huge problem with people thinking they know something about my kids just because they happen to read my blog. You don't know shit about shit, because what I share here is SO superficial - I don't even talk about anyone by name! You think my kid is autistic because he's a little antisocial and is a late talker? I guess I didn't realize it was so simple to diagnose a toddler who isn't even two yet, who happens to be a twin, who you've never seen or observed in any way. Hell, apparently you can make that diagnoses with a photograph uploaded to Flickr and a couple of blog entries! Damn!

Third, I have a huge problem with people who post anonymously. It takes an extra, what, second and a half to type your name and email address? You're online, fucker, you have to have SOME sort of online identity? What's the matter, can't you stand by your own little diagnosis, there? Or are you fully aware that you were being rude as fuck, and that's why you commented anonymously? I'm pretty sure that's what it was.

Fourth, I have a huge problem with people who just ASSUME I'm some fucking retard when it comes to parenting my children. Do you think I don't have a backpack of fucking guilt I carry around all day, worrying about anything and everything when it comes to my kids? Come on! This ain't my first rodeo, babe. I'm fully aware that other kids the age of my boy generally are speaking by now. I'm fully aware that some of his behavior may fit the checklists for diagnosing autism. And I'm also fully aware that his behavior fits the checklists for diagnosing BEING TWO. I'm extremely proactive when it comes to taking care of my kids and figuring out what they need, and I RESENT THE FUCK out of anyone who implies otherwise.

So, that's it. I'm still mad about it. And while I generally welcome comments, advice, shared viewpoints, and all that jazz - I don't welcome them from people who don't have enough spine to actually stand by their words.

The end.

Well hellooooo there! It's an actual post from me, not just some pictures thrown atcha! Aren't you happy to see me? LOL!

It was like 70 degrees here all day yesterday. I think it was 64 by late afternoon. GLORIOUS compared to the 105 we had six days before that, and the days and days of high 90s. I had the windows open and got some fresh air in the house. And remember those two deer I took pictures of? Well, one of them must live RIGHT behind our house. He was there behind the house, under the tree, ALL DAY yesterday. He'd get up and stretch his legs, eat some grass, then lie back down until about 6 or 7 at night, when he finally disappeared. Weird, huh? I got a really good picture of him looking right at me!

We braved Chuck E. Cheese's with playgroup yesterday. I feel like such a dork, though, because we practically just drive by playgroup. We never stay more than an hour because I can't take chasing my kids for longer than that before they start having a meltdown. I took K with me and she kept the big girl with her - they went around and rode rides and played games. Those two are becoming such close sisters - it's sweet. It reminds me of the relationship I had with my *cough*psycho!*cough* sister when I was very young. It's almost the same age difference. Anyway. I kept the boy with me and he entertained himself climbing all over the table and playing with the napkins and stuff. He doesn't do well with crowds and noise. Plus, he doesn't give a shit about any of the rides or games, he's much happier just playing with the tokens. Whatever! The other moms there all took turns holding the little girls so I could eat my pizza. And then we left. The end. Someday, when the kids are all old enough to listen well enough that I don't have to worry about them sneaking outside and hotwiring the van, playgroup/restaurants/etc. will be a lot more fun.

And the kids haven't even been out in our newly sodded yard. The window wells to the basement are still not covered and the back fence (it's a split rail) is still wide open, so it's not safe yet. But soon. Hopefully (fingers crossed!) by this weekend. So close, but yet, so far.

I dunno what we're going to do today. Probably go out shopping for a minute, because stupid me keeps buying diapers for the little babies and not the big babies. I'm basically OUT of size 4s, except for what's in the diaper bag. Duh. But I have, like, two cases of size 3s!! I don't know what my deal is with overbuying the one size and underbuying the other.

Oh, I had my HSG test the other day. It's a test where they fill your uterus with dye and then take an x-ray to see if it flows into your fallopian tubes. If you ever have to have one of these done, listen to me: it doesn't hurt a bit. It was easy, cheezy. And, not that I'm an expert, but it looked TO ME like I was all blocked up. A friend of mine had the same test and said she could see the dye making little rivers out the tubes into her ovaries, and I didn't see that at all. But I COULD see the little coils inside my tubes, and HEEB - they look just like the "bugs" from The Matrix that the agents put inside people's bodies. Ack! Oh, and somebody left me this comment:

Um, they never tested me to see if my ligation took. Should I be worried?

Probably not. I didn't have a tubal ligation. I had the non-surgical Essure procedure done, where they insert tiny coils into your fallopian tubes and your body builds scar tissue around them over a period of several months, thereby blocking your tubes.

And somebody asked what day K's birthday was. It was Monday, the 25th. She's my little Leo. Our day was boring. The only special thing we did was get pedicures together after my doctor's appointment. But, she went out to dinner with her dad and a bunch of friends, and most certainly got a bunch of gifts, so, it's all good. We celebrated here on Saturday, when everyone was already here laying sod. She loved her Kool-Aid purse and her DVD player.

Okay, I guess it's time to start my day! I can hear toddlers babbling away in bed, so it must be time to make breakfast. Waffles. Mmmmm.

Have a terrific Wednesday! :-)

Oh! I never got sick, either. Just felt tired and achy and run down for a few days. Whatevah.

So, we've been mofo busy for days and days, and I keep meaning to post, but seriously, I haven't had a spare minute. So, I'm c/ping these from the boards - sorry for that. But I know you're dying to see pictures of my yard, so here they are. (Yay!)

I took this from the balcony upstairs. This is our side yard, with our little worker bees:





And here's the backyard - honey put this HUUUUGE, like 40 x 40 foot tarp over that part of the yard, so they'd be in shade. Well, of course, it's windy as HELL out here, so come afternoon, that thing was flapping so hard, I thought our whole house was going to fly away!!



Here they are laying grass, and you can see the brick walkway:



Here's most of the grass down - that's my dad there, looking like a hissing cat or something. Ha!



And here's the backyard grass, after the tarp came down. And the man's being silly, shaking his ass at me:



We bought this arbor at Sam's Club for less than $100 for the wedding. We couldn't have bought the wood that cheap. Honey and his best friend put it together and here they are:



And here he is showing us his little card he got for becoming an ordained minister - he's going to marry us!



Last night the guys got a couple of loads of fill dirt for the area where the shed is going. While they were outside unloading the trailer, they saw these guys - they weren't even spooked! This is like - a few feet behind our back fence!





So, that's why I've been busy. Watching the kids 24/7 and making tons of food for people working on my yard. Yay! I'll post more now, promise.

Happy birthday, big girl! I can't believe ten years ago today, you made me a mommy. I'm so proud of you and looking forward to the next ten years and seeing the woman you become. Yay for double digits!



(K with the birthday cake SHE MADE.)

edit: Sorry it's a day late; I hit "save as draft" by mistake! Whoops!

I think I'm getting sick. Me, who never gets sick. Me, who has been fit as a fiddle while my whole family has had the flu, countless colds, tummy bugs...me, who CAN'T take the time to be sick. I just feel crappy. Run down, tired, and my head hurts. Wah. I felt this way yesterday, too, and hoped that getting a good night's sleep would help, but evidently it did not. One of the babies waking up at 5 didn't help things either, I'm sure.

And I have to go out in the world today, because I put off getting my birth control refilled, and I need to begin my new packet, uh, TODAY. So, a trip to the pharmacy will be necessary. Yay. I hoped I'd be able to have my HSG test and make sure "The Procedure" worked the way it was supposed to - but it looks like I'm still going to have to stay on the pill for at least another cycle or two. Which is probably good, since I can control when I'll get my friend and not end up being on the rag at my wedding. 'Cause, who wants that?

It was 105 degrees here in Denver yesterday. Dude. That's just insane. And I know it's going to be another hot mofo today. And we're out of milk, so a grocery store stop is also on the schedule. AND, my mother, trying to be helpful (rolls eyes - she ALWAYS, ALWAYS does stuff like this. It's like, thanks, but...you've just given me extra work and I could have done this easily myself...) ... my mother bought the kids the newest Baby Einstein - Baby Wordsworth. But she bought it on VHS. She was like, "Can't you just watch it on your VCR?" Um, no. I'm not even sure how to turn ON the VCR, we so rarely use it. And it's not hooked up to the TV in the playroom, where the kids watch movies. I appreciate the gesture, I really do - but it's so aggravating when she does stuff like that! I would have bought it myself anyway the first chance I had to leave the house, and now I have to stand in line to return it without a receipt, since she didn't give THAT to me.

Can you tell I'm cranky today? I am. I don't feel well.

And can I share with you a little pet peeve? I hate it when someone says they're going to stop by at 10 and they don't get there until noon. I hate it. Do you do that? DON'T. It's SO rude. Just because someone stays home doesn't mean they don't try to keep to a schedule, and if they're wondering if and when you're going to decide to show up, it throws everything off for the whole morning. Just...don't. If you can't seem to get your ass anywhere on time, just...BE NONCOMMITAL. Say, I'll stop by mid-morning, and I'll call when I'm on my way. Is that so hard? Give yourself a good four hour window. Don't laugh when they say you run on "Insert-name-here-Time." It's not funny. They're trying to make light of it, but in reality, they're pissed, annoyed, and cursing you on the inside because they constantly have to wonder if you're actually going to show up and if they're really THAT unimportant to you that you can't even TRY to stick to your plans.

Um, okay. I guess I had a little anger to work through, there. Ha!

And now I don't have anything else to say. Hopefully the kids will do something cute or something so I'll have something to post about later. Sheesh. Boring mama! Have a nice (what is today?) Thursday.

Cindy, Colleen, Kim, and possibly even Audra are coming HERE for OUR WEDDING!!!!

I am so excited!!! I had no idea it was going to turn into a big IRL. I can't WAIT to see those girls!!

So. If your kids manage to poop while they're asleep, do you wake them up and change them? I do not. In fact, if someone were to ask ME that very question, I'd have to bite my tongue to keep from LAUGHING! HA! Wake a sleeping baby for any reason at all? In this house? Never. I don't care if it smells like shit in here, that baby will wake up ANYWAY in another fifteen minutes, most likely, and that shit will be there waiting for me. No sense in hurrying along the inevitable, and losing out on fifteen quiet minutes. Anyway! This is my under-the-influence-of-stinky-baby-caca post.

I am in love with our nanny. She is the bomb-diggity. And she's hot, too. It's a good thing the man isn't home all day, because he'd be staring at her ass all day long. And she has Barbie legs - I've never seen such perfectly shaped, cleanly shaven, evenly tanned legs - ever. And she's funny and nice and the kids seem to dig her, so, yay. Yesterday, we went shopping. I can't even begin to tell you how much easier Wal-Mart/Sam's Club is with a helper. I reckon I shaved an hour off my usual time. And wasn't friggin exhausted when I got home either! And today, I vacuumed the entire upstairs, did a ton of laundry, cleaned the kids' bathroom, straightened up all the bedrooms, hung up a bunch of pictures and things in K's room that I haven't had a chance to do until now, and took a DAYTIME shower. Whee! (I hate showering at night. I hate going to bed with wet hair. I hate being cold in my jammies and having a damp pillow. But I hate being filthy even more, so I shower at night. It's the only chance I get. But, not today, baby!) I wanted to get our bathroom cleaned too, but I just ran out of time. Even with the nanny here, I had to feed one of the babies - it's hard to feed bottles to two babies while watching two toddlers - even for me. I wasn't going to just dump that on some newbie! But, yay. The nanny thing is going great. I hope I can get lots of stuff done before the money runs out. LOL!

We did miss playgroup today. I totally spaced that today was Tuesday, and playgroup day, when I had the nanny come today. It all worked out splendidly though, because the moms were going to the park in my old neighborhood, which basically butts up to the back of K's dad's house. Um, no thanks. Dealing with his dorkass drama lately is annoying enough without having to take a trip down memory lane and actually HANG OUT in our old neighborhood. Not necessary. So, it was the perfect day to not go. And, it's hot as a mofo outside today, so I'm perfectly happy here in the A/C!

My babygirl cut her second tooth yesterday, on her half birthday. Her sister still has NO teeth. She's in no hurry, that one. I did give them TOAST for the first time today, and they were in hog heaven. I sat them up in their highchairs and they gummed the toast for quite awhile, actually managing to ingest some of it. I think they're going to dig real food!

And, I guess that's that. Nothing else to say. Sorry. I'm sleepy and boring. It seems like it was last night, like, five minutes ago. I can't believe I slept seven hours. I don't remember a thing!

Have a loverly Tuesday. I'll see ya tomorrow!

Just uploaded sitting up pictures to Flickr. <---- Have a looksee. Here's one now:

How are you? Still alive out there? I went through and read my whole blogroll late last night, but haven't had time to post anything on my own little blog. So here I am, real quick.

Honey got us VIP box seats for Hilary Duff. Miss K was pretty excited - even more so when she told her best friend - their excitement sort of multiplied when they added screaming and jumping up and down. Anyway - we went to the show - it was like 100 degrees out, even at night - and it was okay. The Hilary Duff portion was only about an hour long - maybe a wee bit longer. The concert ended abruptly (no encores!) at 9:30. I guess they don't want to keep little girls out much later than that. And boy, did we see little girls. Probably more little girls than I've ever seen all in one place in my life. I wish I'd taken more pictures of the crowd. All the little girls were so precious, with their matching shirts and hand made signs. My girls had a lot of fun. Here are a few pictures.









We got home LATE though, after navigating tons of traffic (I swear, the freeways are busy 24/7 - even at 11 at night!) and I'm still sleepy, two days later!

So, today is Monday...the day our nanny starts! She's going to be here in about an hour. I'm trying to decide what we should do. I'm not leaving her with the kids - at least, not for awhile - so I'll either be upstairs doing bathrooms and laundry and stuff or we'll all head out to Sam's Club/Wal-Mart for our shopping trip. Yay.

Hey, see this little Kool Aid purse? I got one just like it, except green, for K for her birthday, which is in one week. It came on Saturday. I think it's so cute! She wants to grow out her bangs, so I'm going to buy her a bunch of headbands and barettes and clippies and put them inside. I think I'm also going to get her this tiny little DVD player for her room and a couple of movies. I think that'll be adequate birthday spendage, combined with what we spent for the Hilary Duff tickets and t-shirts for her and her friend. (We could have gotten free grass seats, but we got the VIP box so we had to pay for it - but we still got it half price. Helps to know people! Woo!)

And, ooooh, we're getting closer and closer to having a yard! The Man finished all the brick walkways this weekend. He and my nephew went and got a trailer full of topsoil yesterday and spread it on one portion of the yard - they still need like three more trailers' worth for the rest - and next Saturday is our very special, by invitation only, SOD LAYING PARTY! I could pee, I'm so excited - but I'm sure that wouldn't be good for the new grass, so I'll just run around with my arms out, airplane style!

Okay, I need to jet. Must get the children up and get myself ready to go before Miss Nanny gets here! Whee!

OMG, that title alone reminded me of something I'm pretty sure I forgot to share from last week. I was barreling along in my minivan at about, oh, 65 mph on a little rural road heading out to pick up K from daycare the day she came home from her dad's house - and I thought I'd call my girlfriend Angie to see how she's doing since she brought that new baby home - and RIGHT as the phone was ringing, a prairie dog ran out in front of me. I yelled at him "Run faster! Run faster! Run faster!" but he only cleared the first tire, and the second one got him. Ugh!!!! It made the most horrifying sound - it was the first time I've ever hit anything while driving. And Angie's boyfriend answered the phone right as I hit him. Ha! I was all, "Aughhhhh! Is Angie there?" Hehe! I noticed last night when we were driving to Lowes that the prairie dogs just sat by the side of the road and waited for me to pass before they crossed. Honey said they must remember me. "Bitch! You killed my nephew!"

Anyway.

I have no time to be online. I can only get on early in the morning before the kids are up or late at night after they're in bed. I still haven't found a new, safe home for my laptop yet with our new family room situation, where the kids are running free and hop on the sofa, where my laptop used to live. So, no daytime internet usage in this house at the moment. And the boy is already up, playing in his crib, so I need to hurry up and post!!

Perhaps bulleted lists are the way to go? We'll try it.

- Today, I'm meeting honey for lunch with the kids and the nanny we're interviewing is meeting us there! Woo! He wanted to meet her before I officially say, "Yes, get your ass over here and watch my kids so I can do laundry and clean bathrooms!" So, McDonald's Playland for us today. Woo!

- Echo did my wedding invitations and they're AWESOME! I can't wait to get them! AND - go read her blog, right now. She has big news!

- I don't want to say anything out loud until the tickets are in my hands, but it looks VERY GOOD that honeybun scored us free tickets to the Hilary Duff concert this weekend! K will be SHOCKED when she finds out. Nice birthday surprise, huh?

- My kids got to meet their cousin yesterday for the first time - I haven't seen him myself in NINE YEARS! It was SO FUN to hang out with him! He's taller than me and has a deep voice, and he's TWENTY-ONE. I can't even wrap my head around all of this. But it was terrific to see him. I hope we can see a whole lot more of him and my kids can develop a real relationship with him now that he's living here to go to school. Wheee, new family!

- I'm considering trying Crest White Strips to brighten up my teeth for the wedding. Thoughts? Experiences? Horror stories? Throw them my way, baby.

- The kids are all being AWESOME!! They're loving their freedom. The boy is still having tantrums once in awhile, but like people keep telling me, maybe he's pissed because he doesn't speak our language. LOL! That's gotta be frustrating. The little babies are sitting up pretty well now on their own, too! Fun times over here. I put some new pictures up over there <--- on Flickr from the park the other day. My big girl had ponies in her hair for the first time ever. Much cuteness.

- Okay, I'm freakin' starving all of a sudden. It's time to get those kids up so I can have a bagel or something.

I miss checking blogs throughout the day! I made my way through most of my blogroll last night and caught up with everyone pretty much. I'm thinking of you guys, even if I'm not leaving you thirty-seven comments an hour. Love ya. xo.

I took this picture of the girls tonight - their dad says, "They look like they should be paddling a gondola or something with those shirts on!"

So, this is what it's like to never get online, huh? Well...I guess I can deal with it.

The kids are doing terrific. They are still loving their freedom. They hardly even go in the playroom at all, actually. I guess once the novelty of scaling the couch passes, they might go back in there? The baby girls have been spending a little more time in there, though. And, funny. I was telling my honey last night, I don't think the girl really put it together in her head that the babies are here ALL THE TIME because now that all four kids are in the same room playing all day long, she's jealous as hell! She never was before - always trying to sit with them and feed them and play with them; now she wants nothing to do with them. I need to give her some extra loving today, I think.

My littlest baby woke me up at five. Yawn! RIGHT when I was falling back to sleep just before seven, the alarm went off. So, no sleepies for me. I got my shower last night, so I guess I should get up and get dressed, so we can go to playgroup hopefully.

I tried on my wedding dress with the "body briefer" thingy I got from Lane Bryant and it suuuucks. I hate how it fits. The dress is clingy. My body is not designed for clingy material. And the body briefer makes my tits look like mashed potatoes or something. It doesn't really provide any support at all! I was most displeased. I'll be returning that thing post haste. I just got on eBay and ordered a cinch-up-the-waist nice and tight titties-under-the-chin corset, total wenchy style. I have a black one already - this one is white and strapless, but I think will have a similar effect. I sure hope it works out, otherwise I'm going to be a lumpy, unhappy bride.

Hey, we got an odd letter in the mail yesterday. It was addressed to "Neighbor" with our address, no return address. The letter inside was addressed to the person across the street from us, except had some other dude's name - maybe someone else lives there that I don't know about. It basically said, you need to leave my 8-year-old daughter alone - don't talk to her, don't touch her, don't offer her gifts or rides, don't call her pet names, just stay the fuck away from her, and a copy of this letter has been sent to all your neighbors, the chief of police and the district attorney, and I'm filing charges against you if you don't back off. Nice, huh? Honey said he might go over there and ask the dude what's up with that, since he sort of knows him - I don't like the idea that there might be some child molestor/predator across the street who preys on little girls the age of my daughter. She doesn't play alone outside at all, EVER, so I'm not SUPER worried, but still...I'm going to have a talk with her and make sure her blinds are closed, since her window's on the front of our house, facing theirs!

Okay, I can hear children up, so that means I need to get my booty in gear. Have a nice day!

These kids!

Well, after my big old post Saturday about the kids hating their playroom, the man went and installed FIFTEEN drawer latches in my kitchen. Only one seems to be failing, and it's the drawer I keep the kitchen linens in - so other than it being a mess, it's no biggie. We put the playyard fence in front of the big screen TV to protect it from toys and fingers. It doesn't have the plexiglass protector cover on it because we have too many windows and there's so much glare you can't even see the TV, so I made him take it off right after we moved in. But that means the TV is so vulnerable to scratches and stuff, we HAVE to keep the kids away from it. So. Fence in front of the TV. And I put away my laptop, because the kids are curious and just want to jump on it and stuff. Ack! So, no online time for me ALL. DAY. LONG. Unless I figure out a new place to set it up where they can't get to it. (We aren't wireless.)

And they ARE doing much better and seem much happier. Hopefully, the novelty of opening and slamming the microwave door will wear off before I have to duct tape it closed. And how do I get them to stop RUNNING across my sofa like it's a racetrack? I don't want a broken down sofa like my best friend's. LOL!

I worry so much about my little boy. He gets SO angry and frustrated all the time - if his sister is in his space, or he can't get a toy to do what he wants, he goes fucking bananas, throwing himself on the floor and kicking and screaming and banging his head on the floor. He's got a great bruise on his nose right now from throwing a fit. And it makes ME so angry when he's like that! I feel so ... unarmed. Like I need to do research, research, research and figure out what makes him tick and how to get through to him and if I should feed him a special diet or what. It's SO hard. I mean, just the fact that there are four kids is hard. The fact that the boy has ISSUES makes it a billion times harder, though.

And, no work on the yard this weekend. Hmph. The man had to go meet a friend to help him troubleshoot some electrical problem in his basement and it turned into an all day and half the night affair. I was home alone with the kids until 9:45. I don't care about that, but it does frustrate me that our yard still isn't in place. And yesterday, his parents came over, so we sat and chatted with them for a few hours. And cleaned the house. And mowed the grass and fertilized and trimmed the tree and cleaned up the dead tulips and stuff. So, yeah. No work on the backyard yesterday either. The wedding is in 7 weeks and 5 days, and I'm sure he's going to have the yard done. But seriously - I want it done THIS SECOND. I know the kids would be better if we could get outside and play!! We were playing in the yard briefly, but it's just too dangerous. We have a split-rail fence in back that they can get through in about one second. We need to have lattice over the top of it. But we need our grass and rock and stuff first. And we have six-foot-deep window wells on our basement windows. Need covers for those. Plus, since he's been busy doing the walkways and working on the sprinklers, there are tons and tons of tools out there. Ugh. He works so hard for us, though. Works all day and then comes home and I make him work hard here, too. And still in all that, he plays with the kids. He's such a good daddy.

Oh, and we did move the kids to their boosters, too. They look SO BIG sitting at the table! We have had a plate throwing incident (little brat girl!) but other than that, they've done terrific. And I took apart the highchairs, washed the chair pads in the washer and dryer and the NASTY straps in the dishwasher, then scrubbed the chairs down really well. They looked brand new when I put them back together, and the little girls look so cute sitting in them. I had been feeding them in their walkers, so now THOSE are nasty with spilled bits of food on the toybar and stuff. I'll clean those today, probably.

I will not get frustrated with my children today. I will not get frustrated with my children today. Fuck it, I think we'll go out to Target or the bookstore or something and get some fresh air.

Okay, so it's 8:39 and I can hear the boy howling from his crib, so it must be breakfast time! Have a splendid Monday! (I saw an episode of Desperate Housewives last night that I must have missed during the regular season. It made me miss watching it! I can't wait for it to come back on!)

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention all the stuff I got when I went garage saling on Friday! I had K with me so it was much easier to keep the kids entertained. I took twenty bucks and spent every penny, and got all this:



Two Gap Kids outfits for my big girl, two matching sleepers for my little girl, those cheezy unicorn pictures for K's room (she saw them from the street and flipped out!) a Little Tikes drum, maracas, and tambourine that were BRAND NEW (because our house is far too quiet) a Little Tikes tiny little kitchen, 4 board books, a big bendy caterpillar baby toy thingy, a Fisher Price electronic play table thing with three interchangable discs (it's way cool! AND it came with a dead cricket inside - bonus!), and that baby pool thingy. The baby pool thingy isn't actually a baby pool for water - the bottom is fabric and has things you can press on that squeak, plus a toy that's attached to it and an area you can fill with water so the baby can press on it and see floaty fish and stuff. It's very cool, and it was a dollar! A dollar! I was pleased with my haul!

I hate writing a downer post after my huge, "My life is awesome because I'm in loooooove!" post the other day, but that's how it goes sometimes.

I'm really frustrated!

I can't seem to get my act together and it's driving me bananas. We're getting by, but it's like I'm just barely treading water. The house is a pit and the laundry piles up and the kids are bored to DEATH.

I need to pull out the booster chairs and strap them onto the kitchen chairs so the little babies can start using the high chairs. (Chairs! Chairs! I have to say it a few more times so it starts looking like a made-up word. Chairs! Chairety chair chair chairs.) I need to figure out some magical way of keeping the kids out of the kitchen cabinets and drawers. We have locks on the cabinets, but the kids still grab the handles and yank on them over and over, which can't be good for the cabinets. I haven't yet figured out a way of locking closed FIFTEEN kitchen drawers, and the kids pull them open and get out all the silverware, and HANG from the drawers (which I KNOW isn't good for them) and sit INSIDE of the drawers and my GOD it all just drives me insane. So they stay in the playroom all day. Every day. And I go in there and sit on the floor and play Itsy Bitsy Spider and watch Baby Einstein and Elmo's World with them and feed play bottles to teddy bears and tickle little chubby thighs and put puzzles together, but it's getting old, dude.

When are they going to get to an age where they'll listen A LITTLE BIT when I say, "Get down from there," or "No knife throwing," or "Stop hotwiring the van!"

I know I'm just going on and on about shit I've already gone on and on about...I just feel MORE overwhelmed right now, I guess, because I can't seem to get motivated to do anything! I know I need to switch things up a little and put some toys away and get new toys out and rearrange this and clean up that, but all I can do is sit here and lie on the floor under the air conditioning vent, while the kids eat Nilla Wafers and drop crumbs in my hair.

What has become of me?

I need the Supernanny to come in and say, "Mum, this is unacceptable. Let me make you a giant posterboard with a schedule for you to follow. We'll hang it on the fridge and by the end of the day, the kids will behave."

I'm so tired! I just want a nap.

Okay, since my life story has been requested, here it is the Reader's Digest condensed version. I'm going to include my online life too, since it's such a big part of who I am. :grin:

I was married at 21 to someone who was my "rebound guy." I knew at every step along the way (moving in together, buying a house, planning our wedding) that I wasn't completely head-over-heels in love with him, but honestly - my self esteem was so low and I guess I had such tunnel vision, I didn't listen to my inner voice nagging me that something wasn't right. How many of you know one of those Angry White Guys? Do you know who I'm talking about? The ones who have road rage and love movies like Top Gun and hate their mothers and belittle people at work and can't dance and stand in their driveway on the weekend, drinking cheap beer and making fun of gays and minorities? The ones who never lift a finger to help with the kids or the house, who can't even take their dinner plate from the table to the sink, who leave skid marks in their underwear and wear sneakers with Dockers and consider that "dressing up?" Who don't believe in God and who think saying sorry makes it okay that they got drunk and called you every name in the book? Well, that was the guy I was married to. And we had a daughter together, which is at the same time the best and worst thing. The best because she's the light of my life - the sweetest little girl you'd ever want to know - and she looks just like me! The worst because it ties me to him for the rest of my life.

I was a stay-at-home mommy most of the time during her young years. We had so much fun together! We went EVERYWHERE - shopping, out to eat, to museums and libraries and parks and swimming pools. She was the sweetest, prettiest toddler - ruined me for these guys, because she was SO well-behaved. I never had to childproof the house beyond outlet covers - she never got into anything. Once she wrote on the wall with a pencil. That's all I can think of as far as Toddler Destruction is concerned. And I loved being her mommy. And the older I got, the sadder I got, because even though I had this wonderful child, that's all I had. I didn't have a life partner who loved and supported me. I didn't have anyone to talk to about my feelings and my hopes and dreams. I was lonelier than I've ever been.

I spent a couple of crazy years trying to figure out just how to deal with my life - we partied with our friends all the time (Although my ex is a heavy drinker, I am not and never really was, except for that two or three year period.) I met a whole bunch of people online through a parenting forum during this time, and I credit them with helping me realize that I was a worthwhile person who deserved love and who deserved MORE out of life. There are a dozen or more of these women I still talk to today, nine years later - we still talk online almost every day. I went on for a couple of years, miserable, only finding happiness when playing with my daughter or chatting with my friends online.

We went through marriage counseling and had actually close to a year that was really awesome. I was really in love and happy and I thought there was a real joy in our house, until The Fight happened. My ex came home drunk, woke me up in the middle of the night, and spent several hours saying awful things to me - things you can't take back. The next morning, he didn't remember it. That's when the real depression started. The realization that no matter what I did, it wouldn't be enough. Unfortunately, it took close to a year and a half after that for me to come out of my fog enough to make changes. I remember it so clearly. It was like someone turned a switch. One night, I was talking to a friend of mine online on AIM, and out of the blue I said, "I think I'm going to leave." Just like that. The next day, I opened up a PO box and a bank account. The day after that, I told my parents. A couple of days later, my dad sent me money to pay the retainer to my divorce lawyer, and my mom and I were in his office, writing up the paperwork. It was that fast.

I went from being a stay-at-home mom to a full-time working mom, living in a little crappy apartment with our daughter within just a few weeks. This is also where I started to see God working in my life. How could I have just had some sort of...epiphany like that, and done all that, and found a great job in a terrible job market...just like that? People came out of the woodwork to help me. Friends of my husband helped me move out - they even bought me my first cordless drill as a housewarming gift, so I could put together my new bed. It was emotionally wretching - my personal rock bottom - but I knew I had to do it. I knew it was tearing apart my family and hurting our daughter - but I knew I had to do it. I couldn't live with the idea that she would spend her life watching her dad belittle her mom every single day, and think that's how husbands and wives behave. I couldn't stand thinking that SHE would marry someone who treated her like garbage. I've always maintained that I did what I had to for the greater good.

So...one night a girlfriend of mine said it was time for us to go out and have some fun. I felt like such a dork - it was really the first time I'd ever gone "clubbing" - and I was twenty-nine years old! I ended up meeting a guy who was SO cute - I remember thinking, he looks like the guy from Smashmouth. I know it's shallow to say it, but I really found myself gravitating toward him because physically, he was the absolute opposite of my ex in every way. Tall, broad, dark...and SO cute. We started dating, very casually, and I thought - perfect. This is the perfect guy for me to be with and not have to worry about getting serious. He's cute, funny, likes to party - we'll have a great time together. I wasn't planning on falling absolutely head-over-heels, weak in the knees, twitterpated when I saw his number on the caller ID, absolutely madly crazy in love with him. But I did. Before my divorce was even final, I realized I'd found my true love, my soulmate. I truly believe God/fate/whatever brought him to me. It wasn't by chance.

When I look back on those weeks and months, all I can do is smile. I remember I was positively walking on air. The little notes I would find when I woke up in the morning...the sweet emails throughout the day...the roses I would get "just because you're my baby"...it was an amazing, magical time. And then when I found out - oops - I was pregnant - I was so worried. Worried about what would happen to us, how it would change things. It turned out to be the best thing that could have happened to us. The man was thrilled to death about having a kid - and when we found out it was twins - he was even more excited. We went house hunting - started construction on a new home for our family - and waited for our little angels to arrive.

And when the babies came, he continued to amaze me. He immediately jumped into the parenting thing, staying up all night with me, helping me feed the babies, changing diapers, doing everything he could to help. And he's been the best daddy EVER. And when we decided to have one more baby and it turned out to be twins AGAIN, he held me while I cried, so afraid of what was in store for us. He told me it'd all be okay and we'd make it work and he'd take care of us - and it has been. It's all been okay. We've made it work. And he's taken care of us. And we have four little babies we love so much, who make us crazy every single day. And we've been broke as a joke for two years, trying to sell his old townhouse. And we've dealt with psycho family issues. And death. And drama galore from my lameass ex husband. And illness. And you know what? It's EASY. It's mostly easy. I'm stupified by it almost - still - daily - how it's EASY to get through life's ups and downs when you have someone who loves you by your side. When you fall asleep at night and feel safe and loved and hear someone tell you how much they love you and appreciate you every single day. It's just EASY. It's so easy to appreciate what NORMAL is when you've lived through pure shit.

And so that's my story. We got together and fell in love, but the babies came before the marriage. And now that they're all here, we've decided it's time to have a nice little wedding. There are a billion other details I've left out (hard to believe when you scroll up and see eleventy-seven paragraphs) but the key idea is: it's all about the love, baby. That's all. That's the secret. When people see me with my huge stroller o' babies and go, "How do you DO it?" That's how. I have someone who loves me, no matter how screwed up I am. Someone who loves my big ass and my stretch marks and my sparkly green eyes and the way I laugh at Seinfeld and my ugly tattoos and my eccentric parents. Someone who loves me, no matter what, even if we have a fight, even if I wreck the car, even if whatever. And that magical, butterflies feeling hasn't gone away, four kids later. Yay, us!

Feels like Monday. Peh! Honey's back at work after a 4-day weekend. I miss him already! It's weird to get into a routine where he's HERE every day and then realize, oh yeah, I have to bring all the kids downstairs by myself again. Boooo!

We went to a barbecue at his aunt's house yesterday and it was nice. I mean, it wasn't RELAXING - we just chased the kids the whole time, trying to keep them out of shit - but it was nice. The kids were really good - just being kids - and we had some good food too. I uploaded pictures to Flickr over there <--- in the sidebar.

Now, back to the grind! I'm freaking out a little bit over the fact that we're getting married in eight weeks. We have so much to do! The yard is coming along, but it's still JUST DIRT at this point. The walkway is halfway finished and looks fantastic. We're doing those keystone bricks - we did the same thing on the sides of our driveway and it looks lovely - so finished, so much nicer than plain concrete.

Miss K is coming back from her dad's house today. I miss her so much! She's been gone an extra day because I let her stay there for the 4th. I'm sure she had more fun there than she would have with us, at a party full of adults!

I'm starving, and I'm sure the kids are - I can hear them jumping up and down in their cribs! Time to fetch the bebes and head downstairs for the day. Bye for now!

Ha. I just titled that for LaDonna! HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!

We're heading out later for a barbecue at honey's aunt's house, and my parents are going too, so YAY!

Our bitch of a renter moved out yesterday and she was REALLY pissed off that she wasn't getting her full deposit back. Since she didn't move out until the 3rd, we charged her three days rent - $90. Plus a $50 carpet cleaning fee - and it says that right in her lease. She was all, "This place is cleaner now than it was when I moved in! I shouldn't have cleaned it at all!" Ugh, I know my man is all too happy to be saying goodbye to her - she's been the biggest pain in the ass!! And all the neighbors hate her too, with her barking dogs and her hoodlum kids always smoking weed on the patio. Na na na na, hey, hey, hey...goooooodbyyyyye...

Guess what? My littlest baby girl is crawling. Okay, not officially crawling for real, but getting up on all fours and lurching forward, pushing off with one leg and dragging herself along. She's doing the bum-leg crawl! And her 4-minutes-older sister is about to start too. Both are SO CLOSE to sitting up, too! Big, big girls. I just started them on meat, too.

I'm trying to pretend it's Monday still even though it feels like Sunday. So I've cleaned the bathroom down here and straightened up. I'll start some laundry in a minute. I just mopped the kitchen, too. I'm such a dumbass, though, I somehow forgot to clean the counters first. So I'm sure I'll end up with random crumbs on the freshly cleaned floor. Don't you hate that?

Honeybun is busting ass on the backyard. This weekend, he laid a whole brick walkway. It looks great! He needs to do the finishing bricks around the corners - where actual cutting is required - but it definitely resembles a walkway! I should take a picture from our master bedroom deck - you can pretty much see the whole thing from up there.

Well, this was one boring-assed post, wasn't it? Have a nice Monday/Independence Day!

My God, I'm sick of poop.

The big twins will not stop taking off their diapers. We've had two poop incidents in the playroom now. Which results in a huge amount of work for me that I just don't have time for. This last time I had to wipe down every damned toy with Clorox wipes and shampoo the carpet. I've got the kids in the dorkiest outfits ever - they're a little big to be wearing onesies, but they ARE, man, they are. The boy actually took off his diaper and pulled it out through the leg of his onesie yesterday! They're talented little brats, I'll tell ya. And duct taping them isn't really an option, because they just pull them right off like underwear. I guess I could fashion duct tape suspenders to keep them on, but it probably would hurt to pull all that tape off, so we won't be doing that.

Oh, I can't wait for this phase to pass!! (Especially since...well, do you know how hard it is to find onesies in a size 3T???)

Well.

You know, I keep finding myself lately - as in the past year and a half or so - praying a lot. Which is a weird thing for me, a former atheist, a former Pagan Wiccan practicing in a coven, a former, uh...child dragged to Baptist Sunday school by my grandparents every summer as a child.

I've never felt like I fit in with any religion. I've always thought it was all bullshit. I hate being so blunt, but...I always felt like I was in the story of the Emporer's New Clothes, and nobody could see he was naked but me. As a child, I listened to the stories and sang all the Jesus songs, but I never felt it.

And as an adult, Wicca was the closest I came to feeling at home in a religion. When I practiced as a solitaire, I felt almost like I was *there*, you know what I mean? When I meditated and listened to the wind blowing, I felt closer to God than I ever had in my life. But when I practiced with a coven, I started feeling once again like it was all bullshit. The invocations felt so theatrical and overdramatic that I felt more like I was playing a part in a play than trying to become closer to the Goddess. And then, a falling out with the coven I was in left such a bad taste in my mouth, I completely distanced myself from anything religious at all.

It wasn't until I left my ex-husband and was going through what was my personal rock bottom time of my life that I felt like I needed something more to hold onto. So, I guess it was roughly three years ago that I found myself praying regularly. And after going through the emotional rollercoaster (that doesn't even begin to describe what it's like, really!) of having two sets of twins back to back and caring for them 24/7 day in and day out, I guess I find myself praying a lot these days. I still don't know who I'm praying to. My friends who are Christian seem so at peace with life and so confident that things are gonna work out...well, it makes me want to be a Christian. But I just can't. As much as I want to believe that Jesus Christ died on a cross for my sins, I just don't buy it all. I can't even begin to wrap my head around the idea that millions of people FULLY BELIEVE WITHOUT A DOUBT that every animal and insect and gnat and bug and kitten and rat and alligator floated around on an ark for forty days. It all just seems like total bullshit to me. Even when I want to believe in it with my heart, it reads like Greek mythology. So I don't believe in it.

But something is stirring within me, without a doubt. Otherwise, I wouldn't find myself on my knees every day, praying for patience and guidance. I don't know if I'm praying to God or if I'm just trying desperately to find my reservoir of inner strength. Trying to "fake it 'till you make it", so to speak. I really don't know. I don't know if I'll ever know. But for now, it's working for me. I believe that praying every day and begging for forgiveness for losing my temper with my children and asking for help becoming the best wife and mother I can be is helping me, slowly but surely.

I think, for me, this is as good as it gets. I really feel like I've found God for the first time in my life. When I see my beautiful children, I know they are miracles. I know there has to be some greater force going on - when someone like me is given a second chance at happiness - escaping a terrible marriage, finding a wonderful man, and just by chance, having four beautiful babies. Something is at work there. And I'm choosing to recognize that in my own mind and be thankful for it.

It's Friday, which means that I went garage saling! Well, I don't go EVERY Friday, but I do like to go. I think it's the thrill of the hunt I like best. I got a Chicco electronic train toy, a Sesame Street little violin thingy, a wooden puzzle, a Barney board book, and a Fisher Price jungle animal baby gym for the babies. And a couple of little clothing items for the wee babies. For nine bucks. And then I went into Kohl's and spent NINETY BUCKS. Whoops! I got the big twins new shoes, I got the boy a few outfits he really needed, and the baby girls each got two outfits. Seems like SO LITTLE for $90. I'm having major buyer's remorse. I think I'll keep the boy's clothes and return everything else. They can wear the shoes they have for a little while longer and the baby girls don't need matching outfits ALL the time. We've been broke for so long that I can't bring myself to spend money, even when EVERYTHING I get is 50% off!

Honey took the day off and finished building the trailer he's been working on for a month. Now he just left to get a load of sand to level out where he's putting the shed he's about to buy. I have faith that my yard will be finished before too long. Seriously, the wedding is in EIGHT WEEKS. And we have DIRT. But I know the man has a plan, and I'm trusting him.

I need to start getting pictures together to send to Echo so she can make our wedding invitations. Have you seen her work? It's pretty incredible - she has a great eye for digital collages, and I regret not having her make baby announcements when all the kids were born. I can hardly wait to see what she comes up with for us! Whee!

Holy crap, I've had this window open for almost two hours, trying to type out this post. The kids didn't get a nap and they've been a little needy. I just put a pizza in the oven for them for dinner, so hopefully a little something in their tummies will mellow them out. Then it's into the tub and off to bed. G'bye, whinybutts! Sweet dreams!

Oh, and you know what I've noticed? People keep asking me questions in my comments about various things, and it occurs to me that since I started blogging here in April, I may have some new readers who don't know my entire life story. I think I'll have to write up a little "All About Me" story soon.

Okay, now the pizza is done and I've got to get the whiners in their highchairs before they kill each other. Ack! Bedtime is in less than three hours. Whew.

The theme today is tattoos. Which is the only reason I decided to participate - I knew I had this photo online already, and it shows three of the seven I have. I'm in the far right.



(I know this picture doesn't show much! I don't really have time to take pictures today though - maybe if I get a chance, I'll upload some I already have...)