Gettin' Out.
My mom and dad are coming over tonight to watch the kids so we can go out to dinner and maybe see a movie.
Yeah, I'm looking forward to it. It's not often that we get to go anywhere, and it always seems to require a whole lot of setup!
I'm feeling frustrated and not even sure how to put it into words without sounding like a little spoiled brat.
When we bought this house, my parents bought a house about 10 minutes away so they could be closer to us. They also set up a playroom in their house with toys for the kids, and set up one of their spare bedrooms with two cribs and a changing table. Trying to set things up for us to spend time over there, it would seem. They kept saying they wanted to have a closer relationship with the babies than they had with K, since they lived 200 miles away when she was a baby. All fine and good. Except we never see them. The few times we've been over there, the kids just run around crazy, and my dad can't seem to deal with it. He gets all passive aggressive and snide commenty - only my biggest pet peeve IN LIFE - got something to say? Out with it, dammit. So we haven't been over there much. Particularly since the little babies were born. It's HARD to get out of here with four babies; I ain't gonna lie. It's really hard going places where nothing is childproofed - I spend all my time running after the kids and plucking antique figurines out of their hands and trying to get them to stop sitting inside the fireplace, y'know?
So, okay, whatever. They can come over here and see the kids, right? Well, no, not so much. They both work 40 hours a week (in their late 60s) so they're TIRED, and on their days off, they do their grocery shopping and housework and don't want to drop in and see the kids. Still, once a month or so, they'll graciously offer to come over and watch the kids so we can get away. And I appreciate the gesture - I really, really do. Believe me, nobody else is offering up any help whatsoever, so I appreciate anything I can get. But I honestly need a break from the kids more regularly. And not to go to the damned movies. I wish they could just DROP BY, you know, since they live so close, and just watch the kids for 45 minutes or an hour so I could vacuum the entire upstairs and clean the bathrooms and put laundry away. But I can't seem to get ANYONE to do that for me. Am I asking for too much? I mean, really? I would do anything in the world for my family and friends. But can I get someone over here for AN HOUR so I can scrub a damned toilet? No. I would cheerfully give up going to the movies every month and a half if I could get a couple of hours a week. If I could get someone over here for just a little while so I could run to the supermarket ALONE. My God, do you know how nice that would be? Can you imagine pushing a hundred pounds of stroller with four babies in it, all whining and needing cookies and bottles and attention, while pulling a cart full of groceries behind you with your other hand? Because that's how I go grocery shopping EVERY WEEK. And I really don't feel like I can dump them off on the man, because he is busting ass CONSTANTLY trying to work on our yard and stuff. (Damn us for buying a stupid house with NO LANDSCAPING. Did we REALLY think we'd have time for this?)
So that's my big rant. I'm getting sort of bitter about the whole thing. Every time we go ANYWHERE, we are a huge spectacle. People come up to us ALL THE TIME, asking questions and making comments. I hear "Boy, do you have your hands full!" and "How do you DO IT?" probably a dozen times every time we walk out the door. Here's what I never, ever hear: "Can I get that door for you?" or "Do you need a hand getting that stroller out of your van?" I know I sound like a big whiner. There's nothing impressive about popping out a bunch of kids; I know this. I know we made our bed and now we have to lie in it. I know I'm responsible for my own family. I know all this. I also know I had a little old lady in my van last week at Sam's Club, driving around for ten minutes because she couldn't find her car. I know every time my honey's aunt or dad calls him needing something done, he is RIGHT THERE helping. I know when his brother needed his stereo installed, we spent a whole Saturday working on it. At my last twin club meeting, I carried one of the new mom's infant carseats out to her car when she had to leave in the middle of the meeting, because I know what it's like to lug that shit everywhere. When is that common courtesy going to make its way BACK to us?
I keep thinking there's some grand lesson I'm supposed to learn here, just exactly why WE ended up having four little babies - and we love them dearly and wouldn't trade them for the world - but it's lonesome here, dude. I would love so much for someone to come over and just sit down and watch What Not To Wear with me while we drink Diet Coke and watch the kids play - and then maybe I could run upstairs and take a long shower, one long enough where I could shave my pits AND my legs, y'know? Am I really asking for a lot here? I don't feel like I am, but maybe I am.
Yeah, I'm looking forward to it. It's not often that we get to go anywhere, and it always seems to require a whole lot of setup!
I'm feeling frustrated and not even sure how to put it into words without sounding like a little spoiled brat.
When we bought this house, my parents bought a house about 10 minutes away so they could be closer to us. They also set up a playroom in their house with toys for the kids, and set up one of their spare bedrooms with two cribs and a changing table. Trying to set things up for us to spend time over there, it would seem. They kept saying they wanted to have a closer relationship with the babies than they had with K, since they lived 200 miles away when she was a baby. All fine and good. Except we never see them. The few times we've been over there, the kids just run around crazy, and my dad can't seem to deal with it. He gets all passive aggressive and snide commenty - only my biggest pet peeve IN LIFE - got something to say? Out with it, dammit. So we haven't been over there much. Particularly since the little babies were born. It's HARD to get out of here with four babies; I ain't gonna lie. It's really hard going places where nothing is childproofed - I spend all my time running after the kids and plucking antique figurines out of their hands and trying to get them to stop sitting inside the fireplace, y'know?
So, okay, whatever. They can come over here and see the kids, right? Well, no, not so much. They both work 40 hours a week (in their late 60s) so they're TIRED, and on their days off, they do their grocery shopping and housework and don't want to drop in and see the kids. Still, once a month or so, they'll graciously offer to come over and watch the kids so we can get away. And I appreciate the gesture - I really, really do. Believe me, nobody else is offering up any help whatsoever, so I appreciate anything I can get. But I honestly need a break from the kids more regularly. And not to go to the damned movies. I wish they could just DROP BY, you know, since they live so close, and just watch the kids for 45 minutes or an hour so I could vacuum the entire upstairs and clean the bathrooms and put laundry away. But I can't seem to get ANYONE to do that for me. Am I asking for too much? I mean, really? I would do anything in the world for my family and friends. But can I get someone over here for AN HOUR so I can scrub a damned toilet? No. I would cheerfully give up going to the movies every month and a half if I could get a couple of hours a week. If I could get someone over here for just a little while so I could run to the supermarket ALONE. My God, do you know how nice that would be? Can you imagine pushing a hundred pounds of stroller with four babies in it, all whining and needing cookies and bottles and attention, while pulling a cart full of groceries behind you with your other hand? Because that's how I go grocery shopping EVERY WEEK. And I really don't feel like I can dump them off on the man, because he is busting ass CONSTANTLY trying to work on our yard and stuff. (Damn us for buying a stupid house with NO LANDSCAPING. Did we REALLY think we'd have time for this?)
So that's my big rant. I'm getting sort of bitter about the whole thing. Every time we go ANYWHERE, we are a huge spectacle. People come up to us ALL THE TIME, asking questions and making comments. I hear "Boy, do you have your hands full!" and "How do you DO IT?" probably a dozen times every time we walk out the door. Here's what I never, ever hear: "Can I get that door for you?" or "Do you need a hand getting that stroller out of your van?" I know I sound like a big whiner. There's nothing impressive about popping out a bunch of kids; I know this. I know we made our bed and now we have to lie in it. I know I'm responsible for my own family. I know all this. I also know I had a little old lady in my van last week at Sam's Club, driving around for ten minutes because she couldn't find her car. I know every time my honey's aunt or dad calls him needing something done, he is RIGHT THERE helping. I know when his brother needed his stereo installed, we spent a whole Saturday working on it. At my last twin club meeting, I carried one of the new mom's infant carseats out to her car when she had to leave in the middle of the meeting, because I know what it's like to lug that shit everywhere. When is that common courtesy going to make its way BACK to us?
I keep thinking there's some grand lesson I'm supposed to learn here, just exactly why WE ended up having four little babies - and we love them dearly and wouldn't trade them for the world - but it's lonesome here, dude. I would love so much for someone to come over and just sit down and watch What Not To Wear with me while we drink Diet Coke and watch the kids play - and then maybe I could run upstairs and take a long shower, one long enough where I could shave my pits AND my legs, y'know? Am I really asking for a lot here? I don't feel like I am, but maybe I am.
posted by Unknown at 1:03 PM
14 Comments:
Is there any way you can build a little bit of room in the budget for a mom's helper even, like a few hours a week, so you can get some of that stuff done uninterrupted (mostly)? I know your financial situation is tough at the moment but it would be money well spent, if you took a little out of the budget somewhere else?
This is another reason why it's a good thing to try to cultivate some "mom" friendships in your neighborhood. Your new friend with twins, maybe the two of you could swap for a couple hours a week even?
I don't mean to be giving you advice so you can say shove it if you want. It's just that I feel bad for you and wish I could help. Can't. I'm in chicago.
I know it sounds lame, but if I lived by I'd love to help you out... honestly I would. I love little ones. My husband would be in baby heaven... poor guy wanted 10 kids and we had none together (not for the lack of trying) and he misses my neices and nephews... only little ones he can be around.
Plus I wanna play with the toys in the playroom :D
I truely hope someone steps up to plate and gives you a little hand.
I actually think it's insensitive of your parents to move that close, gear their house all up for babies, giving you the impression they want to be active grandparents, then see barely anything of them.
We went through something fairly similiar with Doug's mother. After I moved down here, we heard all the time about how great things are going to be once she retires, she'll help out more etc etc. She retired darn near two years ago and we don't see her anymore than we did before. She lives much further away though then ten minutes, so we mostly brush it off.
I don't think you sound whiney at all. I do think you're handling what god gave you pretty darn well. Of course you're responsible for your family, but in family planning I'm sure you didn't plan on two sets of twins so close in age. You deserve to have help. Next time your Mom offers up a night out for the two of you, say to her "ya know, I'd love a night out, but what I really really really need is time for errands and chores. do you have any free time for that?" Maybe they're clueless as to your needs.
((((Laura))))
Like the others, I'd be there every day, my kids in tow of course. Not sure that would make things easier or harder for you, lol.
I so wish we lived closer to each other. Also, I have a box going for you that will be mailed out at the end of the month. Can you email me the kids clothing sizes and also, do the big twins already have those puzzles from walmart with the big chunky wooden handles on them? Do they have the big wooden blocks already?
Seriously, you should have a wishlist thing for all the babies and Kayley.
"WOW I know how you feel. We did fostercare for 10 years. I had 4 under 2 a few times. Yes it does suck at times. Hang in there! Now everyone is all grown up and I kinda miss it.
Teenagers, maybe? Some schools or churches require kids to perform a certain number of service hours, and hanging out at your house a few hours a week would definitely be a service to you! It would probably take a couple of them, but I'll bet there are teenage girls nearby who would love to get their glittery hands on all those babies. I know my daughter would!
Yeah I know Universities require service hours etc. If you had one nearby, I'd call up student services or something.
I'm with Kim...I'd more than love to come over, only I'd stay for days instead of just a few hours! I know my bro and sis-in-law don't mind me coming over, but I'm sure they wonder if I'm ever going to leave once they've got me! I SO need the adult company!
What's kinda funny to me is that I was just going to come over here and comment on how very awed I am by you. I'm barely into this second child a week yet, and already I'm fearing having to have two--yeah, just two!--kids all the time! I was thinking about you earlier, and how you must be the ultimate super mom. You are my mom idol! I wish people would appreciate you, and moms in general, more, and realize that sometimes you would like to just be Laura for a little while...or at least alone for a few minutes! This week my hubby is staying home with me, and he's all about needing his time alone for a bit to take a nap...meanwhile, he's sent our two year old in here about a hundred times, and I've only been on the computer for about ten minutes! I'm going to put an ad in your local newspaper telling people to wake up and give you a hand!
I am sorry to hear you are having a hard time with help. Mothers helpers and high school students are the best.
Is there extra $ freed up from the sale of the townhouse that you can spend on some help.
I would love to help. I love babies but I am stuck in PA!
I think Bev is right, that many kids would be a bit intimidating to someone not used to it. Do you have a pair of siblings/friends that get along well you could ask to team up to help you out?
Also the suggestion of being specific is a good one, easier for someone to say "sure I can do that one-time thing that day to help you out" and you get to pick the day and time.
Good luck, I can't imagine how hard you work!
*HUGS*
I don't know what to say...other than rant away girl! It must be friggin hard to be in your shoes!! I wish there were more understanding people around to help out.
Dude, if you can go to the store early Saturday or Sunday before the crowds or after 5pm on weekdays, I'll be more than happy to go grocery shopping with you and push your cart.
HI there. I just came across your blog (I live in CO now too)and thought I'd make a little comment. You see, I retired from the Air Force a few years ago after 21 years on active duty. I have 3 children ages, 25, 14 and 3. I also have 2 grandchildren. I sympathize with you but I kind of sympathize with your folks too. I can understand not wanting to work 40+ hours per week and then "babysit" the grandkids. It's a myth that all older folks want grandchildren or enjoy them. I don't. Granted, I'm 44 and am now a stay-at-home mom but my grandkids are a handle and I just don't want to deal with them on a regular basis especially since I have other things I need to do and enjoy doing. As stated, I can feel your pain but thought I might provide a different perspective. Good luck to you and remember, the kids WILL eventually grow up!
I can't believe you're doing this on your own! You are some kind of superhuman. One of my mum's friends has twins and her mum was over to help several times a day simply because she needed the help. I can't fathom the energy that is pent up in your home.
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